


Traveling with Idiots

by Aille



Series: Traveling with Idiots [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awesome Balin (Tolkien), BAMF Bilbo Baggins, Dwalin Is A Softie, Dwarven Ones | Soulmates, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Female Bilbo, Female Ori, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, Heart mates, It's Always Gandalf's Fault, Liberal Use of Quotes from Book and Movie, Mates, Minor Character Death, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2016, No couples yet, Possible other female dwarves, Stealing weapons from Diablo III, Thorin Is an Idiot, confused Bofur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-08-30 00:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 29,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8511826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aille/pseuds/Aille
Summary: Mistress Iris Baggins, once head of the Baggins Clan.  Once a respectable Mistress, with a slight streak of danger.  Finds herself with a house full of darrow, an idiot she's going to find someway to teach a lesson to and her father who never knew she existed.Well, they were going to find this Hobbit wasn't a pushover and that their pig headed idiot leader may just someday be able to take his foot out of his mouth.





	1. Her View

**Author's Note:**

> This has no editing other than spell check. Trying to keep myself honest in the NaNoWriMo. I am in the middle of chapter 14 ATM. Work on anything else is suspended at this time.
> 
> I truly don't own The Hobbit. If I did, you would see a lot more romance. Bilbo would have a backbone and someone would punch Thorin for his stupidity. I make no money from this, and am just having fun.
> 
>  
> 
> The Prompt:  
> I was watching the extras for the extended addition, and when I saw that the lovely lady who played Belladona is Bofur's wife in RL, I couldn't help but think what if Bofur was Bilbo's father. 
> 
> Say Belladona spent a few years in the Blue Mountains and was in love with a young Bofur, but was called back to the Shire, not knowing she was pregnant. Bungo, who was her best friend offers to marry her and raised Bilbo as his own. Since the Shire has low views of same sexual relationships, this works for them. Bungo has his lover, Holman (the Gardener before Hamfast) and allowed Belladona to wait for Bofur to come for her, but he never did. She wouldn't leave until Bilbo is of age.
> 
> Bilbo knows who his father really is, they never kept it a secret within the family, but the general public believe him to be Bungo's son in truth. 
> 
> Bofur has mourned for 51 years, believing his One left him and he never followed because by Dwarrow law she has the right to walk away. Basically, they were both foolish for not contacting the other. 
> 
> Although of age by Hobbit standards, Bilbo should still be slightly under age for the quest (not that he would tell anyone that). 
> 
> Not sure how Bofur finds out he's a father, does Bilbo get pissed during the take over of his home? The trolls? Or maybe in the cave before the goblins? 
> 
> How does their friendship grow before the reveal, with Bilbo trying to get to know his father without anyone knowing the truth? 
> 
> Slash welcome, Fem!Bilbo welcome.

**Chapter One**

**Her View**

 

There really was something to be said about Darrow, everything they did was taken at length and care. No good thing ever came from rushing into it and it was something they took to heart. From the learning and working of their crafts, to their courting and loving, to the very stone that they melded. And one very hot headed Took was so very frustrated by it.

She had not meant to stay in the Mountains as long as she had. She sure as hell hadn’t meant to find her mate so far away from home. She definitely didn't want to throttle the hard headed idiot for refusing to move faster; really a minimum of 4 years for courtship?  It was almost a surprise when they’d fallen between the sheets in a fit of passion.  Yet a very pleasant one. 

It had only happened the once, her very stupid intended swore he would not besmirch her honour again like that. Which of course caused her to ask where he’d bothered to learn big words.  Oh the row that ensued.

Which then lead to them not speaking for a few weeks, two normally very open people  digging deep into stubborn that only happens when neither wants to admit they are wrong, yet love each other deeply.

In the long run though, it may have been their downfall, because she’d received a summons from home, her mother had fallen ill.  She’d left a letter with his brother, saying she would return as soon as she could, but for now she had to leave.  She had left it where she knew he would find it.  She left, hoping he realized how much she loved him.

In the end, she found she couldn’t return.

 

 

When she returned, it was to find her mother in poor health.  She could not leave again as quickly as planned, she refused to e away from home if something happened.  Yet many days passed where she found very little to do, other than agonize over what she left behind.  Going to the market and meeting up with those she’d known as a faunt and working in the kitchens really didn’t fill the hours as needed.  Within the first month of her return, even the kitchens became to much because of the smells.

In the Shire, there were two steadfast rules in regards to life.  One, love and marriage was between a male and a female only; not  any other type of combination (even if your mate was the same as you, you were only to be friends).  And two, no matter what, children must be born with the couple in wedlock, if you could do plant the seed together, you must tend it together.

There in lay the problem, the father; who did not even know he was to be one; would not be rushed.  Nor, had he sent her any acknowledgement that he’d read her letter.  Thankfully, the seed he had planted seemed to be following the treats of the its father and was taking its sweet time growing.  Giving her time to hide it for a while longer. She did not what to be forced to marry someone she didn’t love, just to save the reputation of her family. Yet it seemed like that was what she was going to have to do.

It’s funny who notices things. Although they were very different, her best friend was the one to corner her and ask.  Not drinking while at the Green Dragon was unknown for her, yet her half-pint had gone untouched.

The next day, a plan was formed, him confiding in her while giving her the chance to hide what happened until her Darrow finally came for her.  It really wasn’t that hard to convince people they’d been together.  Sheep will go where led if given they answers they wanted.

Construction started a week later.

When they could not hid the oncoming child any longer, they wed and moved into the half finished Smail.

If other hobbits didn’t notice the use of two bedrooms, well, that was their choice.  Instead, it was whispers of how sweet but very improper they were.  If some blamed her for shackling him, they didn’t really know either of them all that well.

And if the beautiful girl, with the proper curls, in the correct places, arrived in proper time for hobbit standards; yet still a few months early for Darrow; well, that made everything easier.  With Iris looking much like her mother, it wasn’t hard to believe that there was nothing more going on than a hastened wedding.

That Iris was used to breakfasting with her uncle almost every morning as she grew, was not a problem, at least to her.  That her mother and father slept in separate rooms, well, it had always been that way, right? That she knew she had another father, far away, well that story never left the home.

Until her dying day, Belladonna never gave up home that her Darrow would come for her, even 15 years after their daughter had been born.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iris means: Your Friendship Means So Much to Me; Faith; Hope; Wisdom and Valour; My Compliments


	2. His View

**Chapter**   **Two**

**His View**

 

He really shouldn’t have fought with her after the mistake he made. He’d made her follow his ways in courting. Ways that had been so different than her own. Yet she’d agreed. She had smiled at what she call quaint ideas, but let them flow as the Maker demanded. How was she to know what the final step was? He hadn't shared it with her because he’d known he would give in. He only wanted to show her the respect that a Dam deserved.

How could he have been so stupid? Then to hide for weeks from her, without telling her the truth of his deeds. Delving deep into one of the mines, not coming out for weeks. Only to find his One gone. It was his own fault.

Oh, he found the letter she’d left him. Yet, he feared to read it. What more could it say other than goodbye. As the Dam, it was her choice to continue the relationship. She could walk at any time, and his heart would follow her forever, even when he couldn't be with her. He knew she’d comeback if he'd have told her what they'd done had meant. Yet, he just couldn't make himself go do it. Instead, he stayed quiet, never even telling his brother or cousin what a fool he’d been. He just wore the silly hat she had made him, with the never opened letter tucked in the fold inside.

 

 

For over 50 years he wallowed in his own stupidity, dividing his time between working the mines and making toys for other children, all the while wishing he could have had the chance to have his own with his Dam. When the call came out for those willing to assist the King in a quest, decided to take the chance to run away finally from his greatest failure. For it was very unlikely that he would ever return or even survive a dragon.

Of course he should have known his family wouldn't allow him to do this on his own. It would allow for his little brother to support his ever growing family-as a way that had never been possible. It would bring honour to their family if they seceded and he would never have to look at the place he lost himself. 

He’d known his family had worried about him since she’d left. Even though he’d never told them the full extent of his failure, it was well known that he was never quite the same.  Oh he still went to the pubs and had fun with his friends, but his spark never fully reignited. At one time he’d tried to move out of his brothers home when he found out that he and his wife were expecting their first pebble, but they asked; well, more like demanded; he stay.  Stating they would need the help.  It didn’t take much to truly change his mind, as he didn’t want to leave the bed where he’d once had her.

In the end, three members of the Ur clan left the mountains of Ered Lune to reclaim a mountain their family had never been to. For a king that they’d pledged allegiance to over 140 years before, for giving care to their cousin who’d been gravely injured at Azanulbizar.  A king that inspired respect and wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty working alongside his people.

Bofur had only one really big problem with the whole thing.  They were going to pick up the final member of their party in the Shire. He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to not search for her. To beg for her to take him back. 

 


	3. Her Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iris grows up

**Chapter Three**

 

After the Fell Winter, Iris and her papa did everything they could to seem normal.  To be proper, her uncle couldn’t visit as often as he once had, which saddened her, she missed her first breakfast with him in the morning.  Though he was there for some of them, so papa was still happy most days. 

Papa at least still told her everything he knew about her father.  Though it wasn’t much, as he’d never met the dwarf in question, he could tell her that her mother loved him very much and never gave up that he’d come for her someday. They made plans that when she came of age, they would go on their own adventure and find him, if only to find out why he never came.

Until that time, Iris would have to hide her heritage from the rest of the Hobbits.  To make sure that she grew up respectably, her papa married her mother to keep them both safe.  He showed her how to hide the amount she ate, so that everyone thought she still ate all seven of the daily meals.  As she grew into her tweens, she found that she wasn’t as hungry as her playmates.  She also found that she just didn’t feel the same way about her age mates; where she still wanted to play fauntling games, they were starting to pair off into couples.  Though she took to cooking and gardening like any other hobbit, she also had an eye for shiny stones.  She kept a small collection in the cellar where other hobbits wouldn’t find them. 

Her papa taught her how to be a respectable hobbit, with all the Baggins traits  She knew her math, to both read and write (something most didn’t bother to learn), and how to manage the lands and properties that the family owned and cared for.  Baggins were gentle hobbits, and usually not adventurous at all.  She knew that her papa wasn’t looking forward to leaving his home, but would do it for her.

Which was why she loved her Papa and why she was devastated when he passed just before her thirty-third birthday. In a fit of anger to her father, and loyalty to her papa, she decided to stay in the Shire, if he hadn’t wanted to come for her mama, why would he want her anyway?

Since no one knew she was anything but, she took over as Head of the Baggins family, as her papa had trained her to do. Acting as a proper Hobbit was to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a little longer. As well, Gandalf makes his apperance.


	4. Morning Pipes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The section in italics is quoted directly from the book.

**Chapter Four**

 

Iris was having a wonderful day so far.  Her first breakfast had been nice and light, just enough to get her started; followed by a good hour in the garden where her prize winning tomatoes were growing nicely.  Then a slightly heartier second breakfast of oatmeal with fresh picked berries from the garden to sweeten it a touch.

With just herself in the large Smail, it was easy to keep everything clean, only needing to tidy up after herself.  Once the morning dishes were complete, she found herself with a mite bit of time before elevensies and her planned trip to the market before lunch.  She grabbed her pipe, a book to loose herself in and wandered out to the front to the bench her papa put in for her mother in the garden.  

Lighting her pipe, she took a drag, closed her eyes and leaned back to take in the sun.  Only to have her relaxation disturbed by the smoke coming back into her face.  When she opened her eyes, there was a tall elderly man standing in front of her.   _He was wearing a tall pointed blue hat, a long gray cloak, a silver scarf over which his long white beard hung down below his waist, and immense black books._

_“Good Morning!” said Iris, and she meant it.  The sun was shining and the grass was very green.  But the old man looked at her from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat._

_“What do you mean?” he said.  “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a good morning to be good on?”_

_“All of them at once,” said Iris. “And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, in the bargain.  If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine!_  There's no hurry, we have all the day before us!” she said with exuberance, moving over a little bench to make room for him.  She was much more welcoming to outsiders than other Hobbits.  She didn’t see the point of making bigger folk feel unwelcome, as her own heritage showed they could get along.

“I would be most delighted Mistress,” he opened the gate and took the offered seat, while pulling out his own pipe. “I was hoping to speak with you this fine morning.” he said around a mouthful of pipe, the blew out a ring. 

She turned her head to look at him a little more closely, “And why would that be Master…”  “Gandalf.” “Gandalf.  Wait, not Gandalf the Gray?” she grinned. “My mother and grandfather told such wonderful stories about you.”

He chuckled, “I’m glad to hear there wasn’t just stories of how I am a disturber of the peace.”

“Oh I heard many of those stories of those as well from my papa.” she smirked. 

“And yet you have not tossed me out of your yard, Mistress.  I am impressed.”

“It would be completely improper of me to invite a guest to sit and share a pipe, then to chase them away only moments later Master Gandalf.” She looked properly scandalized. “Though, again, I must ask why you have sought me out this fine morning, good sir?”

“One thing that has never changed, a hobbits sense of good manors.” He looked as if he was holding in a bit of a laugh as he took another drag off his pipe. “I am looking for someone to go on an adventure.”

“Truly? And you believe that you would find someone on this side of the Brandywine that would be willing to leave their Smail for any length of time?”

“I would have thought that the daughter of Belladonna Took,” he looked down at her, “would have the spark to visit some where other than the Shire.”

“Master Gandalf, my mother’s heart was broken the last time she left the Shire at your insistence.  I fear that I do not wish that to happen to myself.”

“I would not be able to promise you young Mistress that your heart would not be stirred by the adventures that would follow, yet I believe many of your questions would be answered.”

Huffing and chewing on the end of her pipe, “When would this adventure begin?”

“The rest of the company would arrive this evening and explain the whole of it.  Then we would leave early tomorrow morning.” He stood up, while tucking his pipe away.

“And I expect they would be expecting dinner then?” Oh her shopping trip was going to be so much more extensive then usual. “How many will I be feeding?” She paused for a moment, “TOMORROW? That is not near enough time of notice!  I have to set a will, make sure my lands are cared for.  And make sure that the Sackville-Baggins don’t try and take my home while I’m gone.  I could not leave my home for at least two days at the shortest.” She stood as well, brushing down her skirts.

Calming herself, “Master Gandalf, do you think they would be willing to stay an extra eve, if I promise to feed them all; so that I may have a chance to settle my affairs and get the gear needed for this journey?”

Tugging the brim of his hat, “I will speak to the leader of the company when I see him next Mistress,” looking down at her, “though I am surprised you acquiesce so easily.  I expected a bit of a battle to get you to join us.”

“I will admit to having a bit of my mother’s wanderlust in my heart.  I also had once planned a grand adventure that I never took.  It is time.” She wasn’t going to give the full answer to his question, for even she didn’t know the reasoning behind why she felt she should go on this adventure.

“Dear sir, I must take your leave and get to the market as to get the food stuffs required for feeding company for two days.”

“There will be 14 of us Mistress.”

“Ah, a small Took size gathering then.” She gave him a grin, “I do hope they have a cook with them, feeding 15, for 7 meals a day, will be a full time job and I have a lot to get done.” She gave him a small bow, and they both left the yard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the company arrives.


	5. Both Welcome & Unwelcome Guests

**Chapter Five**

**Both Welcome & Unwelcome Guests**

 

It did not take her long to do her shopping, for instead of standing around and speaking with her neighbours, she just did her shopping and with the help of a runner, she took her purchases home.  Then went straight to cooking.  Since the Gray Wizard hadn’t bothered to inform her of the time to expect her company, she started preparing for both supper and dinner.  She well knew that most other races did not eat as frequently as Hobbits did, but she assumed that after much travel, they would be hungry. Even if she hadn’t meandered around the shops, it was impossible to not overhear the gossip that there were Dwarves in the Shire, though only 2 or 3 were seen at a time.  Why she’d even seen one a few nights before in the Green Dragon having a half-pint.  She expected these were the company she was going to receive.

After doing the finishing touches to the food, she slipped off to the washroom and got quickly cleaned up; including a quick shave that she usually only did in the morning.  Both of her parents had warned her that she may grow a beard, since female dwarves had them, yet it had only started in the past few years.  Neither parent had seen it.

She heard a pounding on her door, and as she rushed to it, she straightened her vest and smoothed down her trousers, hoping they wouldn’t take offence that a woman would dare to wear such a thing. Pulling the door open with tug, “Good evening,” giving a bow. “Mistress Baggins at your service.” It was the dwarf she’d seen the other night.

“Dwalin, at yours.” He walked straight in.

“Master Dwalin, before you go further, I ask all major weapons be left on the table by the door and shoes off please.  The wood would not stand up to your boots.  I expect that you will keep smaller weapons, like the dagger and small axe at your waist with you and will not ask you remove them, but my home will not be a battle ground.” She was a little intimidated by his sheer size, but she was the head of her clan and this was her home.  He would not scare her, even if he looked frightening.

He scowled down at her, but then started to comply, so she just graced him with a smile.  “Thank you, do you think your companions are far behind you good sir?  I have prepared supper, however, I would rather start it after everyone has arrived.  If you think they will be a little while, I will lead you to the drawing room, where I have set up tea.” She was determined that her guests would be very welcome.

He grunted, then finished kicking off his boots, “They’ll trickle in Mistress, but they shouldn’t be too far behind me.”

 Even as he spoke there was another knock behind her, and she pulled the door open too great the next, “Welcome to Bag End, Mistress Iris Baggins at your service.” This dwarf was older and shorter than the first, yet seemed much more refined.

“Balin, son of Fundin, at yours Mistress,” he bowed to her, then looked over her shoulder. “Ah, brother, it’s good to see you.” He bypassed her and clasped Dwalin’s arms, and instead of embracing as she expected, they knocked their heads together, giving a large crashing sound.

“OH!” Her hand flying to her chest in surprise, she just stared at the two of them for a moment, before pulling herself together, reminding herself not to show her fear. “Master Balin, I am requesting that all guests leave both their shoes and major weapons at the door please.  Though daggers and short axes are welcome.” She then looked at the larger of the two, “Master Dwalin, my I impose upon you to get the door for me, while I finish preparations for tonight’s gathering?  And if perhaps a few strapping lads appear, I could use some help moving the large table to the dining room.  I’m afraid I only informed of our gathering this morning and I have had to rush to get ready.” She gave them both a smile.

“I will little Mistress, you said there was tea though?”

“Of course, it is only in the next room,” she leads the way through the rounded halls and into a warm sitting room with a warm fire already built.  Two large teapots sat in cozies, with several cups surrounding them, a tray of sandwiches and cookies beside it all, on the end table. “Please, enjoy, settle, and get warm as you please.  My home is yours for the time of your stay.”

As she slipped out of the room, she missed the look the two brothers exchanged.

 

 

It wasn’t long before two younger looking dwarves entered her kitchen, introducing themselves and stating that they’d been sent to help her.  With a grin, she handed both of them a couple of ginger cookies, and lead them down the hallway.

“I must express my gratitude that you are willing to assist me, young masters.  I apologize for having to request that my guests do anything at all, but I was unprepared for your arrival. Master Gandalf did not arrive at my door until this morning.  Would you fine gentlemen please assist in moving this table from the storage here and into the room adjoining the kitchen?  It may be a bit of a tight squeeze, but we should all be able to fit around it.”

In unison, “It will be our pleasure Mistress,” the blonde winked at her, and the dark haired one gave a sweeping bow. Then in a show of strength that may have left her a bit breathless, the proceeded to do just that.  It had taken six grown hobbit men to move the heavy table, with quite a bit of struggling, and they were moving it as if it weighed nothing. 

“My thanks. When it is in place, please enjoy the tea with Masters Balin and Dwalin. I will set the table and lay out dinner while we wait for the rest of your company to arrive.”

“Will there be more of these wonderful cookies Mistress Boggins?”

“It’s Baggins good sir, and yes, as well as a few others for you to try.” Not knowing that Dwalin had already made a good dent in the stash she’d lain out.

She flitted around the smail, gathering chairs up while the boys put the table in place, and once they completed their task, shooed them to the sitting room with their elders so she could finish her preparations.

She was almost finished when there came an awful clammier at the door, as if a naughty faunt was playing with the bell. As she peaked out of the kitchen, she had to fight back a bubble of laughter as it seemed the entire rest of the party tumbled in, with the largest of the group on top.  The one of the bottom holding her bell.  “Someone will be fixing that before we leave.” Without waiting for a response, she turned back to her work, half listening as instructions were given and the sound of both weapons being put down and shoes taken off filled the hall.

Dwalin stood at the kitchen door, leaning on the wood, “Mistress, the leader of our company has yet to arrive, but since he isn’t with the others, he is most likely a few hours behind.  He would not be upset if we ate without him.”

“Alright, I shall set a plate aside for him.  Thank you for informing me. “ She graced him with another smile and wiped her hands on her apron.  “Then let dinner be served.”

Stepping back into the hall, she tried to take in all of the new faces, “Please kind sirs, if you would like to follow me, I have prepared a grand feast for you all this evening.” Directing them to the dining room, where both Fili and Kili were already clamoring into chairs on the side of the table and expertly putting food on their plates.

What then ensued was a very lively and very out of place party.  One that hadn’t been seen in the halls of Bag End since her coming of age by Hobbit standards. Oh how she wanted to fuss, but she’d welcomed these dwarves into her home.

She also had a feeling she should know some of these dwarves, as some of the names she heard sounded like those from her mothers and papas tales.

 

She did start to fret when dinner was over and they started tossing her plates around, all the while singing about things she hated.  Yet, they never seemed to drop or break anything and one of the older dwarves with an axe stuck in his head of all things, was washing them quickly, but efficiently. In the end everything was either stacked nicely or put away.  Even if her doilies had become dishrags.

As if it was timed, when they finished the cleaning, not allowing her to do any of the work herself, there was a heavy knock on the door.  Of which Gandalf went ahead of her and answered it, without a by-your-leave. A tall dwarf was standing there, taking up almost as much room as Dwalin had originally, and he just walked in, without introduction.

_“Gandalf.  I thought you said this place would be easy to find.   I lost my way, twice.  Wouldn’t have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door.”_

She pushed her way past them all, _“Mark? There’s no mark on that door.  It was painted a week ago!”_

_“There is a mark; I put it there myself.  Iris Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield.”_

The majestic looking dwarf stared down at her, ignoring all the looks the rest of his company was giving him, _“So, this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?”_

She glared right back, “It’s Mistress, and not since I was a faunt.”

 _“Axe or sword? What’s your weapon of choice?”_ Oh he was starting to piss her off.

“Neither, daggers for a blade, but _I have some fair skill at Conkers, if you must know._ However, I fail to see how this is the most important set of questions you have for me at this time.”

He handed his cloak off to Gandalf and tried to walk past her, shoes still on and weapon still strapped to his back, _“Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.”_

If he’d been expecting a laugh, he didn’t get one.  Instead, he found a small hand on the middle of his chest, pushing him back. “Excuse me Oakenshield,” she glared, “as the rest of your company has already complied, you will as well before taking one step further into my smail.  Take your shoes off.  Large weapons off.  You will address me as Mistress in my home and otherwise until I give permission for you to use anything else. And dinner will be served to you once you have complied.”

She then turned to Gandalf, “You will inform our illustrious leader of what I requested this morning, when you asked for my presence and Dwalin,”she glanced at him, “you saw where I placed his dinner, will you grab it while I gather drinks for us all?”

Without waiting for a response, most of the company laughing behind their hands, and Oakenshield sputtering, she stormed towards one of her back pantries to get a larger keg of ale.  It was rare that she pulled out a barrel from this vintage, but she felt they all would need a strong drink before the night was threw.  And if she also brought out a bottle of brandy as well, well, that was only for her to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contract negotiations


	6. Contract Negotiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words in italics are direct quotes from the movie (or slightly reworded for female)

 

**Chapter 6**

**Contract Negotiation**

 

When she next saw Oakenshield, he was hunched over a large bowl of stew, with a plate full of food in front of him.  She plunked a half-pint of ale in front of him, and stood to the side.  Her company seemed to already be deep into discussion of what they were going to do and she needed to get caught up.

Quickly grabbing a storm lantern and placing it in the center of the table, then leaning over and lighting the candle inside, just as Gandalf spread out a map. Reading aloud, “The Lonely Mountain,” quickly searching her memory for where she’d heard that name before. 

_“Aye. Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time.”_ A red headed stocky dwarf answered, pointedly avoiding looking down her top as she was still leaning over to view the map.

The dwarf next to him continued, and Iris assumed this was Oin, _“Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold: When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end.”_

Ah, yes, she’d been but a small faunt, before that horrible winter, when she last heard the tales of Erebor, "Is there not a dragon living in that mountain?”

The dwarf with the funny hat, the one that felt more and more familiar spoke up, _“Ay lassy, that would be Smaug the Terrible, chieftest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborn fire-breather, teeth like razers, claws like meathooks, extremely fond of precious metals—“_

_“Yes, I know what a dragon is.”_ She waved him off, reeling from his description, it was the same her mother had given time and time again.

A very young dwarf (but he had to have been of age) jumped up and made a ridiculous statement of being willing to take down the dragon, before his brother pulled him back into his seat. While the other dwarves shouted around him.

After Oakenshield pulled them back into order, and then whipped the excitement for the adventure back up again, Gandalf presented a key to Thorin. And she found herself being asked if she was a good burglar.

“Me? Of course not, I’m a Hobbit.  The most I’ve done is pinched a few pies as a faunt.  And perhaps some tubers.  Well, and those mushrooms last week.” She gave a cheeky grin, “However, against a dragon?”

Balin spoke up, _“Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves.”_

She tried not to feel insulted, she wasn’t helpless, she did go on walking holidays from time to time.

Standing abruptly, Gandalf seemed to take over the entirety of the room, _“Enough! If I say Iris Baggins is a burglar, than a burglar she is.” He sat back down again. “Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose.  And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mistress Baggins. There’s a lot more to her than appearances suggest, and she’s got a great deal more to off than any of you know, including herself.  You must trust me on this.”_

Oakenshield opened his mouth again, _“Very well, give her the contract Balin.”_  

Balin reached into his  clothing and pulled out what looked like a long folded up contract, then handed it over to her, _“It’s just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.”_

“Funeral Arrangements?” Okay, she did bulk a bit at that, while keeping half an ear on the whispering of the idiot and Gandalf.  Oh how she wished she had an umbrella in her hand, to wack him over the head with.

She took a few steps into the hall for better light while she read, reading some of it out loud to herself, _“Cash on delivery, up to one fourteenth, but no more of total profit, if any.  Good, but unneeded. Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof including but not limited to lacerations … evisceration … incineration?”_

The funny hatted one looked positively cheerful as he spoke up, “Oh, aye, he’ll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.”

She glared at him. 

_“Think furnace with wings.”_  

“You master dwarf, can cut that out right now.  I am not some faint headed Bracegirtle that you can intimidate.  However,” she turned to look at Balin, “I assume you are the one to speak to about changes to the contract?  There are a few things in here that I can not agree to.”

Oakenshield butted in, “All members of the company signed this contract, you will do the same.”

“Master Oakenshield, you will do well to read what you put your name to then, if you agreed to some of the terms in this contract.  As would the rest of you.  Of course, since this was written with a non-dwarf in mind and is worded as such in many places, I expect your contract was in fact very different. Now Master Balin, may I have several minutes of your time in my study to confer”

“Of course Mistress,” when he got up, he may have cuffed Thorin in the back of the head lightly as he passed. “Please lead the way.”

 

 

“Mistress Baggins,” Balin took the comfortable seat that she offered him, “you had some issues with the contract?”

“It’s Iris, please Master Balin,” she took a seat at her desk, “and yes, there a few things in my contract that must be discussed and adjusted.”

“Then please call me Balin, Iris.  What areas do you need adjusted?”

“First and foremost, in this contract, there states that I will be available for the needs, as they see fit, to any member of the company.  I am not a plaything, nor am I toy to be played with.  Master Gandalf wishes me to be a burglar for you, and so I shall, but my job is contracted for the end of the journey, not before.  I will help in battles, cooking, foraging and even hunting of small animal.  I will assist in the making and breaking of camp.  I will not be a bed warmer.” She watched the shock on his face. “I take it, you did not write that clause into the contract?” 

“Of course not, we would not expect anyone to do such a thing.  In our culture, one does not have relations until they are ready to wed.”

“Excuse me?” She sat up ram rod straight and looked him directly in the eye, “Your marriage ceremony is the act of love?  Well, that just raises more questions than answers.” Not that she was going to expand on that.

“Yes, until we celebrate the joining of two souls into one, a dwarf stays celibate.  It is why, in most cases, we do not get into a relationships outside of our race.  In only the past hundred years, there have only been a few cases of dwarves courting another race.” He felt the need to be honest with her, his very soul spoke to him to share. “In this case, it means that if we have need of an item, and we have no other way of procuring it, we would ask you to assist in obtaining it.  Perhaps we can reword how it is placed in the contract.  I agree it does not sound correct, when coming from a race that does not share our methods.”

“Please, Balin.  Although your people may follow other ideals, there are those that would take advantage of it.  Those that would not follow through with your beliefs.” 

“I will make the necessary changes to that portion, to word it clearer.  What else do you believe needs changes?” He was already making notes to the side of contract, intending on rewriting the entire thing, instead of just making additions. 

She closed her eyes for a moment, “Funeral arrangements, I can understand that for your race, being put to the stone is a blessing.  Even if it is being placed in the nearest cave.  However, for hobbits, we must be placed in the ground.  Yavanna wishes her people to nourish the land as it has nourished us in life.  All I ask is for a simple hole, and covered with dirt.” She opened them again, “Though, if you could place some stones with me, it would be appreciated.” A concession as her life was a combination of both, not that she shared that with him.

“A simple change mistress. Again, something we should have thought of.  Our Lords wife’s children would have different rites.” More notes.

“The Stone Father blessed the Green Mother.  It is only right we work together.” She gave him another small smile. “There are two more things, before I will be able to sign good sir.  The first is the matter of food.  I know that it is not mentioned in the contract, and I know most if not all other races only eat three meals a day, more likely two while on the road, in the morning and eve.  However, hobbits are built differently.  Our bodies need a different amount of nourishment.  A typical hobbit eats six to seven times a day.  In times of strife, we can cut down to four, but it will take a toil on our bodies.”

“I have never needed to eat quite as much as a my fellow age mates; probably because the Valar knew that I would be needed to leave the Shire some day. My mother was much the same; however, I must eat at least four times a day to maintain a healthy energy, three to keep going, but it will cause me slow some.  Any less and I will start losing drastic amounts of weight, in such a way that I would be useless to the company with a few months time.”

“We could not promise that much food everyday Mistess, Iris.  There will be times that food will be scarce.”

“I understand that Master Balin, however, what I am stating that for an extended period of low food, I will mostly not survive.  What I need, is a concession that if things become difficult, the attempt will be made to acquire food at the earliest convenience as to ascertain survival. We do not even need to discuss this with the other members of the company, except for whomever is the cook.”

He nodded, “Would you be able to go short periods on low rations if needed?”

“This is not to get to the rest of the company, unless I choose to share it.” She waited for his agreement before continuing, “No more than a few weeks, I have seen what happens to hobbits that do not have access to food.  It can get quite dangerous.  My mother and papa gave their portions to me during the Fell Winter, as did most of the adults for their faunts.  We lost a third of our population that winter, to wolves, orcs, illness and starvation.  Even now, we are still recovering from the loss.  If you look at some of our older people, you will see where even though they’ve gained their stature back, the illness lingers.  It seeps into our bones, makes us weak and susceptible to great sickness.  Those that bounced back, were never quite the same.”

“We’ll do what we can for you Iris. I will speak to Bombur to make sure that something is set aside in the morning so that you can carry it on you for the day.  We won’t be able to stop for meals, but we won’t stop you from eating while we move.”

She wiped at tears that she hadn’t realized ha fallen initially, “Much appreciated.  I would not wish it on my greatest enemy.” Taking a deep breath, “And my final issue, which for a hobbit, is simple, but from what my mother told me as a child, it may be one for you.  My share of the treasure. I wish full options of distributing my portion as I wish.  Also, it is not ‘Up-to and including’, if there is treasure to be had, and I understand, that if we fail, there will not be, it will be a full share. If I choose to give it to a vagabond on the side of the road, that will be my choice, since I will not be able to get it all back here.”

He nodded his head, “You assume there will be a great bit if we win?”

Laughing softly, “We are going to Erebor, the greatest of the Dwarven kingdoms.  It had enough gold to attract and keep a Dragon, Balin.  I am no fool, there will be a mountain full of treasure.”

“Aye, Iris, there will be treasure.  Though the wording for the one fourteenth share is the same in all contracts.  This is encase there is some expenses that are much larger than we have upon us at the time.  However, I will put a clause in about you being able to distribute it as you please.  I assume that you plan on returning here in the end?”

“I am the head of my family Master Balin, as am I fourth in line for the Thainship; may the Lady give blessing nothing happens to my uncles.  Unless my Heart is found, I will have to return.  Which is why will be staying for another day.  I do need to set my affairs in order.”

“May I ask why you did not do so before now?” he questioned.

“I do believe I answered that earlier this eve for you,” she nodded her head towards the door, “the wizard did not appear on my step until this morning.  That was when I was asked to join and was informed you all would be descending upon my home this evening.  I barely  had time to acquire enough substance for you all for the next few days and cook such a large meal.”

He leaned forward in his seat, “I recall you saying that, though Gandalf told us weeks ago that you agreed to this. Why would he tell us differently?”

“He expected me to a proper Hobbit, and most likely of believed that you would need to trick me into joining you.  I fear to think of what would have happened if you all had descended upon my home without so much as a by-your-leave.  It would have been a fiasco.  There would have been no food available, as I only usually keep enough this time of year to last a week.  And you all would have broken into, by misunderstanding, a single woman’s home. Do you have any idea how frightening that would have been.  Your brother does not make the best of first impressions, just judging him on looks alone.  Though, in his favor, he is a kind soul, hidden behind that gruff exterior.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that, he believes he hides it well.” They both laugh a bit. “Mistress Iris, if I may borrow your desk for a bit, I must take some time to rewrite this for you.  As I expect you also have things to get together.  Will you need any assistance in packing for this journey?  If so, I recommend either speaking to our resident Tinker, Bofur,” he took in the small flinch she had to that name and filed it away for a later time, “or my brother.  Either would be able to give advice.”  

“I will speak with Master Dwalin, we have at least had a few moments to speak before this.” She stood and made her way to the closed door, motioning to her desk. “I shall leave you to your work then, Balin.” She then left the room, to see a gaggle of dwarves huddled down the hallway, attempting to listen in, without getting close. 

“Shoo, you will find out soon enough.” She laughed to herself and turned down the hallway. Turning back after a few moments, “Oh, Master Oakenshield, your advisor will need you in a while.  Please be available when he does.” She turned again and walked off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% happy with this chapter. But when I went over it again, I couldn't think of how to fix it. I'm not going to be posting again for a few days. I'm falling behind on my writing, only 16.5k words now & just starting chapter 15. I'm going to start pacing it out to every 3 to 4 days.


	7. Packing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some character development

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm half-way through chapter 16 now & at 19.5k words. I'm a little behind on the NaNoWriMo, but I"m still thrilled with the progress I've made on this story.

**Chapter Seven**

 

 

Once the new contract was written and reviewed, it was signed without much fan fare.  There had been some other simple tweaks that Balin had made, without her insistence, that made things easier for her. She did admit to herself it was fun to watch the idiot grumble to himself because they were not leaving as quickly as expected.  However, she let Balin take care of that.  It was not her fault that she was given such a short time, that was all on Gandalf.  What had he expected her to do, just run out the door and leave everything up in the air, with nothing more than the clothing on her back and a tossed together bag?

On that note, she was currently working with both Dwalin and Nori to put together a simple pack that would hold everything she needed.  She planned on making breakfast and finishing off both her will and necessary letters once they completed. 

She was starting to get a feel for the personalities that surrounded her.  She could already tell that Nori was going to be trouble. He was too much like so many of her Took cousins not to be. She also had a feeling that Nori would either be a help or a hindrance, depending on how the next couple of days played out. It was a little funny watching the two work together, going over her meager supplies and trying not to butt heads. She could tell that under circumstances, these two probably wouldn’t even be in the same building together, let alone work. 

“Master Nori, Master Dwalin, what should I replace tomorrow at the market?”

“Well lassie, to be honest, most of this, while good for short trips, will never hold up to an extended journey.” Dwalin poked at the light sleeping roll that lay on the bed, “Take this for example, it wouldn’t protect you from the elements, or protect you from the ground below.  It would allow just about every rock and twig poke into your back.  What you need is something with more padding, preferably with some form of weather protection.  This will just soak up water and stay damp.”

Nori broke in, “Don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for at the markets here.  The ones by Needlehole, didn’t even have much and they were more likely to have you needed.” Looking over at Dwalin, “Dori was with me Guard, that mother hen wouldn’t let me touch anything, even if I wanted to.”

“We’ll be passing threw Bree in less than a week.  What you have here will be good until we get there, the weather is fairly mild for now.  We can trade it in for better there.”

She sighed, “Well, I better set aside some funds for that then.  I wish I had time to get to the Great Smails in person; my mothers armor is there.  She used to go on adventures, until she had to settle.  Though I don’t know if it would still fit, I’ve grown since I last tried it on.”

“You have any daily leathers?” Nori was rummaging through her spare closet.

“Some trousers.  They cause quite the stir when I wear them too.  Some hobbits don’t think a gentle hobbit should go hunting.”

“You can hunt?” Oh how it was hard not to giggle when that came from both of them at the same time.

“Of course I can. When my mother left for the Green Fields, someone had to.  My papa and I had a coming of age adventure planned and we needed to be somewhat prepared.  We never did get to go though, he followed his Heart to the Fields and I had too many responsibilities in the beginning to go by myself.”

“Do ya’ still hunt lass?”

“I should hope so, that venison isn’t so common here that I could have served so much as I did tonight otherwise.” Alright, she was a little proud of that fact, even if it did show her different from her peers.

From across the room, “Why didn’t you say something when you were asked about weapons?”

“Master Oakenshield didn’t ask about that, he wanted to know if I used an axe or sword.  Since neither help me to hunt or cook, the answer is just that. Until such time as he wants to get his head out of his backside, I will not further his knowledge.”

“Oh Lass, he’s going to be driven nuts by you.” Dwalin just gave her a grin, “don’t let any of us stop you.  But, be prepared for some to be asses until they cotton on.”

“I’ll keep Dori off you, he can be a bit of a stickler for manners.” Nor stated as he placed a couple of simple linen shirts on the bed, “He’ll probably fret over Ori more than anything though, anyway.”

She gives them both a sweet innocent grin, that neither found they believed, “Oh, a hobbit is judged by their manners, politeness and dependability.  You will find no fault in those ways, as long as I can keep my temper.  Now, he may find his food doesn’t quite taste the same as everyone else’s, but he won’t get sick from it.”

“He’ll catch on.” Dwalin tried to warn her.

“If he does, then he won’t be the idiot he made himself seen.  Who on Arda gets lost in the Shire?  We have three main roads in Hobbiton and there are signs on all of them. Was e just trying to avoid my home?  Mom told no stories of him from her time in Ered Luin and the three she did know well are all here, seemingly unaware of who’s home they’re in.” She then thought of what just slipped and mentally kicked herself, “No not talking about that.  Don’t ask.”

Dwalin and Nori looked at each other and Nori understood the silent order, find out who.

“Well lass, I say pack what you have here and get your weapons together.  We’ll add on what’s needed in Bree.”

“Done, thank you both sirs.” Thankful for their help and dropping a touchy subject. “I will quickly do so, then show everyone to their rooms. I still have a few things to do, but I will see you in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, short chapter from Bofur's POV


	8. Bofur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a very short chapter from Bofur's POV to get his thoughts on Iris

**Chapter Eight**

 

 

He couldn’t understand why she seemed to dislike him so much.

During dinner, she hadn’t spoken to him although she’d seem to make a point to introduce herself to just about everyone else.  Then during the clean up, she pointedly side stepped his invites to join in the dancing.  Finally, she’d snapped at him when he’d just been trying to give some information about the dragon.  Well, maybe he did deserve that one.

He’d never met another Hobbit other than his Bella that he’d spent any time with outside of the markets in Needlehole, so he really didn’t understand it.  His belly hadn’t even lived in this portion of the Shire from what he understood from the maps.  Instead, she should be at least half a days walk away from here. Something he was glad about really, it means he didn’t have a chance to see her, since they weren’t planning on going in that direction.  Having your heart broken once in a lifetime was enough.

There was something about the lass though, she reminded him strongly of his Bella.  Not that a spark was lit, but tat he felt as if she should be known to him. She must be one of her many siblings (and wasn’t that a shocker when he first heard ho many she had) or one of their pebbles.

Though, if he remembered her stories correctly, usually the Baggins and Took’s didn’t get along because they were too different in personalities. Yet, she’d been good friends with one, even with his fussy ways.

He was finding a bit strange in the Shire, he thought he would be feeling a pull now that he was closer to her, but his heart was still silent. Although distance could do the same thing, he would think he was close enough by now.  Perhaps she hadn’t settled when she left him, instead traveling  It would explain why he’d felt so lost when his heart went silent 35 years earlier.

Of course before then, it had been barely a whisper. When she’d left him all those years ago, he’d felt it becoming silent.  Of course, he thought then it was just because she was still mad at him and it wasn’t until he’d left the mine that he’d been hiding in, he found out it was something different.  For that mistake, he’d been alone for over 50 years.

Well, perhaps he would get the chance to get to know Iris and perhaps find out more about her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Setting affairs in order and leave taking.


	9. Preperations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, Thorin makes her a bit mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has played Diablo III, I have based Iris's hand bows off of the Demon Hunter Class weapons. It's something I could see Elves using. An explanation as to why she has them will come up in a later chapter.
> 
> Iris's hair is based off of Indigo from the Supergirl TV series.

**Chapter Nine**

 

It had been a very long night, with very little sleep, but she’d gotten just about everything completed that she could at that time.  There were a few things that she needed to do during the day, including talking directly to her nephew, who’d she’d been training.  He was only 32, however, since she did not have children of her own, she’d made him her heir.  Drogo was a good lad, and he’d already found his heart, though they wouldn’t be wed until they were both of age. She looked forward to someday having them move into Bag End, starting their own Great Smial, as until recently, the Baggins Clan had preferred to live separate from each other, yet the results from the Fell Winter had started to change their minds about it.  Of course Hobbits were slow to change and preferred to keep things the way they’d always been.

She already had several things ready and placed on the table for breakfast, with a few pots of coffee warming on the hearth for her company.  She hoped that Gandalf had properly informed Oakenshield that she would not be able to move out today, but would be more than ready to leave tomorrow in the morning.  

Leaving a note on the table, beside the signed contract, she left before even having first breakfast, wanting to get things done as quickly as possible.

\------------------------------

Several hours later, and after having second breakfast with her cousin, she finally made it back to her Smail.  As long as nothing went wrong, she planned on having a small lunch, then taking a short nap before making dinner.  She hoped that her company were enjoying their time, but she was also a bit surprised by how quiet everything seemed.  She would have expected a bit more noise with thirteen dwarves in her home, not to mention the meddling wizard.  

Opening the door, she stepped in and was confused by the fact that there were no boots in the sun room.  At least everything look spotless. 

Wiping down her feet, she then wandered into the kitchen, only to see her contract still sitting there and a different note beside it. Quickly picking it up, already cursing to herself, she started to read.

Dear Mistress Baggins,

I regret to inform you that the king did not wish to wait an extra day so that you would be able to finish getting prepared for this quest. He has stated that you were given ample notice and although he has been corrected of this notion, he does not feel to believe as such.

We will do as we can to delay our departure, and to slow down the caravan until we exit the Shire, though I recommend catching up as quickly as you can Mistress. 

Dwalin has taken your bags, and if you have not caught up, will leave it on the boarder.  We are heading directly towards Bree by the roads.  I’m sure you know a quicker off road route.

Sincerely,

Balin, son of Fundin

That egotistical bastard, when she got her hands on the idiot, he was going to find out what it meant to piss off a Hobbit.  There was a reason the men cowed to the women.

Storming off towards her room she quickly changed out of her daily wear and into her hunting gear.  Then she went to the back cellar where she kept her weapons, hooking her hand crossbows to her specially made belt and the quiver, already full with arrows over her shoulder.  Then placed her daggers into there place.  Finally, she took a few minutes to put her hair up in her braids; something her mother had always insisted on, though she didn’t always wear; several small braids close to her skull on the left side of her head, with the right side, the hair going down into a braid that rested above her right ear, with them all combining into one large one in the back.

Once she was ready, she marched out her front door, quickly locked it and put the keys in the mailbox by the front gate. She had an idiot to catch up to and teach a lesson.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Joining the company.


	10. So We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally joining the Company; perhaps not the dressing down he deserves, but she's still trying to stay on their good side for now. Seeing as they'd be traveling together for quite some time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the Shire map from the LOTR online RPG for the places mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. Yes, I've played it, and enjoyed playing a Hobbit. The game has some of the best maps if you're looking for directions in Middle Earth.
> 
> I won't it the 50k for the NaNoWriMo, work and illness make it difficult to write. However, I am over 25k. I really need someone else to read over and help edit this though. I'm afraid I don't catch the glaring errors most times.

**Chapter Ten**

**So We Meet Again**

 

Instead of taking the roads, she cut through the fields and headed straight through to Frogmortin and swung back towards the road before hitting Budgeford.  She knew she should be able to catch up to them at about the old willow, if not just before, having made the trip in the past.  Of course, she wasn’t used to running after horses, yet, if they kept at a saunter, she should be able to get to them in time.  If she missed them, she still had a few tricks that she could pull before they made it to the boarders.  They would need to pass through Stock before they made it to the bridge to Breeland.  She knew many of the passages to cut off much of the time.

The only thing she couldn’t count on was if they’d get lost.  She hoped they wouldn’t, it would truly make things much more difficult to catch up to them.  It wouldn’t do if they ended up in Southfarthing because they didn’t take the right turn off.  And if they let Oakenshield lead, that may just happen. She could only hope it wasn’t indicative of the rest of the journey.  Hopefully, even if he was their leader, someone was smart enough not to let him actually lead. 

Once she arrived at the willow, she checked for signs of recent passing and didn’t find any. So instead of heading further on, she settled in to wait for them to pass.  There was always the possibility that they hadn’t been gone for long before she got the message.  While she waited, she took the time to sharpen her blades, while keeping an eye on the road behind her. 

Less than an hour later, she stood up, sheathed the last of her blades, and shouldered her weapons again.  Pulling the contract out of her bindings, she moved a little closer to the road and smiled as they pulled up to her. 

“Well, thankfully I finished the last of what I needed this morning.  Master Oakenshield, as my contract is signed, I have arrived to join your company until my services are of use in Erabor.” She handed the contract, again, to Balin, and walked down the line of ponies to the one that held her gear. Graciously accepting Bifur and Nori’s assist into the saddle. 

“Mistress Baggins,” she tried to ignore him, “you were supposed to be ready this morning.  As such we left you behind.”

 “Master Oakenshield,” she gave him her sweetest smile, the one she saved for the Sackville-Baggins, “As I was only informed of this journey yesterday, I do believe I have made exceptional time in getting ready, as well as providing your people with a feast both last night and this morning.  If you have any further complaints about my tardiness, please direct them towards the Gray Wizard.  I do believe it was he that gave you the impression that he spoke to me sooner than he did.”

With that she patted down her chest and cursed, “Oh bebother it!”

Gandalf gave her a look, “My dear, what ever is the matter?”

She sighed, “I forgot my handkerchief.  Well, I guess I will...” she stops talking as something flies back and nearly hits her in the face. 

“Here! Use this.” She held the rag up in disgust, and looked towards the dwarf that threw it, the one with the funny hat. The one that didn’t bother to come earlier.

“Thank you Master Dwarf. You did not need to damage your clothing for my sake, but it is most appreciated.” She was a Baggins and would not lose her propriety, no matter how disgusted she was.  Nor how much she wanted to avoid this particular dwarf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Her thoughts on the first few weeks of traveling with the company of Thorin Oakenshield, or the idiot as he is still called in her mind. I'll probably post it Friday morning before work.
> 
> PS - I really do need a beta, someone who isn't afraid to wade through my bad pros and spelling errors and give honest opinions on how to fix it. It would give you a chance to read before everyone else though! :)


	11. Getting to Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her thoughts of the first few weeks of traveling with the darrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a bt late on this.

**Chapter Eleven**

 

After a very quick layover in Bree, three days later, where she actually had to enlist Nori to pick up the gear she needed, as Oakenshield wouldn’t let her out of his sight. Which was extremely frustrating.  He was treating her as a fauntling, something she hadn’t had to endure for several decades.  She could understand it if it had been another member of the company doing it, not that she would have accepted it, but she would have at least understood.  However, she was the Mistress of Bag End and although that seemed to mean nothing to him, it meant a whole lot to her.

The first few weeks that they were on the road after that was extremely trying.  She could tell that many of the dwarves wanted to be more friendly with her, as they’d been in her Smail, but with the idiots attitude towards her, they were being standoffish.  It had only taken a few days to get everyone’s names in place, not that it was helping her to become closer to any of them.

Dori seemed to have a large chip on his shoulder.  Either that, or he was the biggest mother hen that Iris had ever seen.  She watched him fuss over Ori constantly, driving the poor young dwarf crazy at time.  Dori kept a very short leash on his youngest brother, not letting him out of his sight (poor thing even had to argue to go to the bathroom on his own some days, which Iris did find humorous).  She could tell that if Nori would put up with it, he’d be under the same thumb, but he had an independent streak a mile wide.  For her, that was a bonus though, as he was one of the very few that spent any extended time with her.

Gloin and Oin, although were pleasant, didn’t speak to her other than a few grunts here or there.  Except for in the beginning when Oin asked if there was anything she needed as a female on their trek. It had taken Gloin interpreting for her, to get across that she didn’t need anything from him.  She could take care of herself.

Both Balin and Dwalin sent her looks of regret from the front of the line, but she understood why they had to separate themselves from her while their leader was being a dunderhead.  As the brothers were his advisor and his guard, respectively, she couldn’t expect them to spend any time with her as well.  At least they weren’t rude to her.  To make things easier, she stayed towards the back of the pack, trying to stay out of the way, and out of Oakenshield’s daily glares.

Fili and Kili seemed to be about the same age as Ori, she guessed between twenty-five to thirty years older than she was.  Yet, they acted as if they were in their tweens.  At times, they were sequestered close to their uncles side, getting lessons from Balin, that Iris could tell they wanted nothing to do with.  And at other times they were causing mischief with everyone down the line.  Where she was the odd one out, she seemed to take the brunt of their foolishness, with her bags going missing the evenings, or on one memorable occasion her binder being strung up in some trees after she’d taken it off to rest more comfortably.  Even Oakenshield had taken exception to that one and had given them quite the earful, putting them on latrine duty for a few weeks afterwards.  It had at least slowed them down a bit in their foolishness, but she knew it wouldn’t be long before they were acting at their finest once again.

The most welcoming out of everyone, other than Nori, was the Ur family.  She found she had a soft spot in her heart for Bombur, he would have made a wonderful hobbit, and would probably have settled in quite contentedly there.  Even with their limited resources, he could make a meal fit for a king every evening and frequently allowed her to chip in.  He’d even admitted to her, that he also had a clause written into his contract about the amount of food he was to be given, because of his shear size.  He needed to eat more than the average dwarf.  As such, he had no problems with setting aside small portions for her to nibble on throughout the day.  If she didn’t know what little she did of dwarven culture, she would have though one of his parents was a hobbit, if it wasn’t for the fact he was so much larger than herself.

Bifur, although she had a hard time communicating with him, was a delight to be around.  He usually spent many hours of his day on the back of his horse carving the most intricate of contraptions.  Once he was finished with them, he would hand them over for her to take a look at.  Taking great pride in the praise she gave.  She truly wished she had the courage to tell the two of them that they were family.  She felt like they’d welcome her with open arms.

Which brought her to Bofur.  She couldn’t keep her aloofness with him for long.  He was just too cheerful.  There was something about him that made her want to befriend him.   She could see why her mother fell in love with him.  How he could be her Heart, but what she couldn’t understand was how he could have given up on her.  He fussed over Bombur, worried that his little brother wasn’t getting enough food, though not as obnoxiously as Dori would.  He checked Bifur’s axe on a regular basis, though Bombur did too, as if it was something they did frequently.  He always had a happy tune to sing, a joke to tell or a hearty laugh when others joined in.  He would strike up conversation with anyone, feeling no shame in moving up and down the line to pester whomever caught his sight. From time to time he’d even try to get her to tell stories of her family, but she kept most of it to her cousins and the antics that Tooks and Brandybucks could get up to. She didn’t want to tell him just yet who her mother was, wanting to get to know him first before letting that cat out of the bag.

Gandalf on the other hand, was just as annoying, yet as jovial as she remembered him.  Not that she got to spend much time around him, as he spent most of it at the front of the line with their illustrious leader.

 

The only real problem she had being around so many people, was the fact that she really needed to shave in the morning.  Dwarves were the only race where the women had beards, and it was well known that Hobbits didn’t sport them at all; unless they were the Stoors, but they were strange to begin with, they liked water. She’d taken to requesting the final watch of the night, so that she could do so without being seen.  Of course, there were days that Oakenshield wouldn’t agree, and she did have to give him props for trying to be fair, she did take watch most nights, where the others only took it every three to four.  On those days, she tended to wear her hood up, hiding her barely there whiskers.

The one time that the boys tried to pull her hood down on those days, found him with a crossbow in the face, with faster reflexes than anyone had ever expected of her. Though none of them would have probably noticed, she wasn’t taking that chance. As soon as she did it though, she feared for her life.  She’d just threatened what were essentially princes.  Instead, she spent hours answering questions about the small handheld crossbow, and finally showing the boys and Nori how it worked.

She didn’t notice how one dwarf in particular was watching and listening in all the closer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Wargs howl, and story time


	12. Late Night Scares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili & Kili are little shits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you AngelFire9 for stepping up as my beta!

**Chapter Twelve**

 

One evening about a month into their traveling, they found themselves on the edge of a cliff.  By this point she felt that she was getting fairly used to the foolishness of what she was starting to think of her Dwarves. Yet there were somethings that she didn’t think she’d ever get used to.  One thing was dwarves love for heights.  Why they couldn’t have gone a little further and been closer to the ground she just couldn’t understand. Not that she voiced her complaints, instead she just huddled near the fire once the camp chores were completed and tried to pretend that the edge of the cliff wasn’t as close behind her as it truly was.  

It was funny though at times, it seemed that many of them forgot that she was a female by this point, as she tried not to make a point of it.  Gandalf had confided in her early on that she would most likely be called in the masculine form by the dwarves throughout the journey as it was what they did when Dams traveled.  As such, many of them treated her as such. So when they started using the washroom over the side of the cliff instead of moving out of line of site, it was everything she could do not to squawk in disgust. 

It didn’t continue for long, and it made her adore Bifur even more, when the gruff dwarf started telling the others off.  Not that she understood what he was saying, but you could tell from the chastised looks of the ones who’d done it, that they remembered who was in the group with them.  She had a feeling that they’d be laughing about it later, but for now, she was just glad that they’d stopped.

Now, most of her dwarves where either sleeping, talking in small family groups, or in Oakenshield’s case, brooding over on the edge of the camp.  She was feeling a might bit lonely herself, knowing that if she only opened her mouth, she could join in on those family groups, but she still couldn’t.  Instead, she took one of the apples she’d picked as they passed under a grouping of apple trees, and wandered over to Myrtle, her very docile pony.  

After quickly checking that no one was pointedly watching her, she offered her snack, _“Hello girl.  That’s a good girl.  It’s our little secret, Myrtle; you must tell no one. sh, sh”_ When she heard a scream shrill through the night.  She knew that sound, it had been part of her nightmares since she was a faunt, yet she couldn’t help the words that fell out of her mouth, _“What was that?”_ She was already reaching for her daggers.

Kili, who’d been close enough to hear, but young enough not realize the level of fear in her voice, “ _Orcs._ ”

And where one brother was, the other was sure to follow and join in, “ _Throat-cutters.  There’ll be dozens of them out there.  The lowlands are crawling with them._ ”

_“They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone’s asleep.  Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood.”_

She couldn’t help but look away from the boys in fright, out towards the edge of the cliff where the world disappeared into the black. Only to quickly turn and glare at the two when they burst into laughter.

Oakenshield stood straight up from where he’d been dozing, glaring at the three of them, _“You think that’s funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?”_ She tried to slink back a bit, leaning against Myrtle, she for one didn’t find it funny at all.

_“We didn’t mean anything by it.”_ Oh Kili, there was the child she saw in him.

“ _No, you didn’t.  You know nothing of the world_.” Oakenshield walked towards the edge of the cliff and looked out over the lands below them.  She felt an urge to stand up for the boys, but she was a might bit angry at them herself.

Then she noticed Balin walking up to Fili and Kili.  For a moment she thought he was going to further reprehend the boys, but instead he broke into the history of the Battle of Azanulbizar.  Her heart opened a bit to the leader of their group, hearing the tale from someone who’d actually seen the battle.  She could see his shoulders tensing as Balin continued, as if he was trying to block out the memories that were being dragged up.  Something she could sympathize with, as she was still fighting her own.  Everyone of the company seemed to be watching him as well, as they silently stood, as if offering support to their king.

When Thorin turned back to them, she felt a bit more open to him and his moods, but that didn’t mean she’d forgiven him just yet for his treatment of her. “ _And this Azog, what happened to him_?” Then tried to slip further into the shadows as almost every eye turned on her.

_“He slunk back into the hole whence he came.  That filth died of his wounds long ago.”_  

It really was too bad no once noticed Gandalf's shifty look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Ugh, rain!


	13. It's Raining, It's Pouring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week of rain, tempers are short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only going to be posting about once a week or so after this, the chapters are completed up to 16, 17 is getting a complete re-write & 18 &19 are driving me crazy (Rivendell) 20, 21, 22 & 23 are complete. With the Christmas season going on and working in retail, I don't have a whole lot of time to write right now.

**Chapter Thirteen**  

 

Then the rain started. She was so glad she had a proper cloak, but after a week of rain, nothing was dry.  Her only consolation was the fact that the rest of them looked about as frustrated as she was.  She wasn’t used to this kind of weather, even poor weather days back home never lasted quite so long. Iris was starting to feel like she’d never be dry again.

Many of the dwarves around her were trying to wring out water from their hair and beards.  Even the most cheerful of the company was starting to droop. The last few nights, they hadn’t even had anything to dry to sleep on.  The small caves that they’d spent the last few nights in, had mostly been used for trying to dry out their clothing. Which of course meant she was more sequestered from the company than ever, as she had no desire to see any of them in their smalls. 

Thankfully, she wasn’t the only one who felt like the rain would never end, “ _Here, Mr. Gandalf, can’t you do something about this deluge?_ ” She couldn’t help but give a bit of a smirk at Master Dori’s back.

“ _It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done.  If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard._ ”

Well, that sounded like a challenge, “ _Are there any?_ ” she couldn’t help herself.

_“What?”_

_“Other wizards?_ ”

She grinned at him when he turned to look back at her, “You are much like your mother Mistress Baggins.”

“Why thank you.” Yes, she was proud of that fact.

“As to your question, _there are five of us.  The greatest of our order is Saruman, the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards; you know; I’ve quite forgotten their names.”_

_“And who is the fifth?”_

_“Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown.”_

“Are any of those wizards proficient with the weather, or were you just trying to dodge the question again?” 

He seemed to think about it for a moment, “The twin Blues were quite a team when it came to weather, just as Radagast, the earth and Saruman, living creatures.  Yet, we haven’t seen either of them since sometime between the Invasion of Eriador and the Last Alliance.  There are times we have feared they were gone, yet the Valar have not deemed fit to advise us of that fact.”

She guided her pony up the line, and laid a hand on Gandalf’s arm, “I am sorry that your brothers are missing Master Gandalf.  Perhaps someday, they will choose to come back from where ever they have gone.”

“It is always a hope Mistress; it is always a hope.” He smiled down at her, water running down his pointed hat. “My gifts lay in much different areas than weather I’m afraid.”

“What is it that you do Gandalf?” Ori piped up, it looked as if his fingers were itching to reach for his book.

“I work towards the good of the world Master Ori, I am afraid I can tell no more.”

With that the company fell back into silence, moving forward in the rain.  She never the odd glaces she was getting from one behatted dwarf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Weren't you supposed to watch the ponies?


	14. Weren't You Supposed to be Watching the Ponies?

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

Thankfully the rain stopped a few days later, about half-way through the day.  The reaction of the entire company was instantaneous.  So much so that Oakenshield called for an early stop at the next clearing.  A much welcome decree that caused cheers down the entire line.  

If that clearing just happened to have a burnt out farm house, well, it just meant that at one time, it was someone lived there.  Fires, though uncommon, could happen to anyone.  Especially in the winter if a fire wasn’t banked correctly.  Iris just hoped that everyone had gotten to safety and then moved on to safer lands.

While she was procuring firewood, having to truly hunt for something dry enough to use, she missed the argument that happened between Oakenshield and Gandalf, but it was hard to miss him storming off in a huff.  She had a feeling she really didn’t want to know either.  There were times that she wished she could do the same thing, if it wasn’t for the fact that she’d probably get lost fairly quickly.  Tramping around in the well known forests of the Shire was completely different then the unknown wilds that they were in.  Yes, her mothers maps showed as far as Rivendell, and she’d purchased several over her years, but they didn’t show much more than distances between places.  Places she’s always dreamed about going to and now that she was outside of the Shire, she realized just how much of a distance it truly was.

It wasn’t until much later, once dinner had finished simmering and Bombur was about to start serving, that she started to get a bit worried. “He’s been gone an awfully long time, you don’t think anything has happened, do you?” Looking to Balin, who’d taken a seat next to her.

The grandfatherly dwarf gave her a grin around his pipe, “he knows what he’s doing lassie.  Been traveling these roads a lot longer than any of us.”

She gave him a shrug and hunched down a bit, feeling a bit foolish in her worry, “When do you think he’ll be back?” The sky had darkened, and although nights were short this time of year, anything could happen.

“He’s a wizard Mistress, they come and go when they please.  I expect he’ll be back when we least expect it.”

Since that seemed to be the extend of anyone else’s worry, she just had to accept it.  Except there was a nibbling of fear that stayed right on the edge of her mind.  Not that she got to wallow in it for long.

“Mistress Iris, will you take this to the boys?” Her head whipped up to see Bofur in front of her with two bowls of stew.  She almost felt like saying no, she’d gathered the wood and helped cook the meal.  This was her first chance to really sit since they’d gotten to this spot.

Still, this was her father asking her to do something and her sense of propriety wouldn’t allow her to say no. Rising to her feet before taking the offered bowls, “Are they still watching the ponies?”

A growled, “They better be,” drifted across the fire pit.  She glanced over, but he wasn’t even looking at them, instead focused on sharpening his axe.

“Alright.  It would be my pleasure.  I’ll be back shortly.” She gave everyone a small smile and headed towards where the boys should be. She didn’t bother to grab any of her weapons because she shouldn’t even need her dagger that was still strapped to waist.  She could hear Bombur being chastised in the background for trying to take more food.  She’d have to share some of her apples with him later.

It didn’t her long to get to where Fili and Kili were supposed to be, only to see them looking pensively over their ponies.

She looked at the two of them, “What’s wrong?” placing a bowl in each of their hands and crossing her arms across her chest.

They looked between the two of them and then back at her, _“We’re supposed to be looking out for the ponies.”_ Kili sounded concerned. 

“ _Only we’ve encountered a slight problem._ ” A problem and what she’d dubbed twin speak because she had cousins who did it frequently.  She knew this wasn’t going to be good.

_“We had sixteen.”_

_“Now there’s fourteen.”_

She glared at the two of them, knowing they’d see it, even in the darkness, “You two were supposed to be **watching** the ponies.  What in the name of the Maker were you doing out here?” Gesturing towards the trees that were clearly only recently knocked over. “How could you miss the racket that must have caused?”

The boys at least had the good nature to look slightly embarrassed, but they didn’t answer.  Instead, Kili changed the subject, “ _Daisy and Bungo are missing.”_

“That’s not good at all.  We need to tell the rest of the company now.” She started to turn back towards their camp.

Fili reached out and grabbed her shoulder, effectively stopping her, “ _Uhh, no.  Let’s not worry them.  As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into it.”_

“Oh, I don’t think so.  What ever took them are clearly very big and possibly quite dangerous.  My weapons are back at the camp.” She knew they thought she was stupid, but this was ridiculous. “The most I am willing to say yes to, is one of you going back and telling them what is wrong right now and the other and myself will stay right here and make sure nothing else happens.” 

Fili slumped his shoulders and put his bowl down, “I’ll go.” She had to hand it to him, they could own up to their mischief when confronted about it.

Of course, what was about the time the troll decided to casually stride through the wood and grab two more ponies, all three of them ducking for cover, Kili flinching as he spilled stew over his hand. 

Whispered, behind her, so she wasn’t quite sure which one spoke, “Mahal’s hairy balls!  Trolls.”

“By the Maker, it’s got Myrtle and Minty!  I think they’re going to eat them, we have to do something.” She wished she had more than a dagger on her, “Fili. Go. Now.  We need backup.” She watched him run off, much quieter than she’d ever heard them move before, almost as quiet as a hobbit, “Kili, we have to follow and see what’s going on.”

Iris and Kili moved as silently as they could to catch up with the troll, moving quickly towards a fire burning in the foreground.

As the two of the crouched down, looking over the trolls camp, she looked at Kili, and immediately wondered if she’d made a huge mistake when he started talking, “ _You should go in there, Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you’re so small.  They’ll never see you._ ” 

“Oh I don’t think so,” she reached up and grabbed his ear, pulling him down to her, wondering if being an idiot was hereditary. “I don’t have anything to protect myself with if they do see me.” Squeezing a bit tighter as he tried to pull away. 

“Ow... ow... ow... ow... ow...” at least he was quiet in his whinging, “Sorry Mistress. It would be perfectly safe though, I’ll be right here behind you if anything goes wrong and the others should be here shortly.”

She released his ear and he immediately scrambled back a bit, out of her reach.  Iris knew something had to be done before their mounts got eaten, but she was hoping there would be others with her. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do to release our mounts, but if something happens to me, you do not jump in there on your own.  You wait until at least your uncle shows up.” She ignored the look he gave her, and slipped into the surrounding bush, disappearing as a only a hobbit could (something she was very grateful her mother passed on).

As she made her way around the outskirts of the, she kept a close eye on the three trolls surrounding the large cauldron on the fire.  She couldn’t see Kili, but that was a good thing in her mind, it meant that the trolls wouldn’t see him either.  As she got closer to the pen where the ponies were being kept, she tried not to wince as the three trolls discussed how to eat their mounts.  It was all she could do, to not gag when William sneezed into the pot and Bert seemed to be pleased that it was in there.  At least there was a bit of a scuffle when the first tried to put more snot into the pot.

As she reached the pen, she first attempted to untie the ropes, quickly hiding as William turned towards the pen and then moves towards her poor Myrtle, “ _I hope you’re gonna gut these nags. I don’t like the stinky parts._ ” Well, at least the one who was doing the cooking seemed to take exception to being questioned, she knew she always did. Of course, she never attacked anyone with her ladle.

“I’m starving! Are we ‘aving horse tonight or what?” the third troll broke in.

“ _Shut your cakehole.  You’ll eat what I give yah’._ ” 

Iris pulled her knife out and started to saw at the ropes, and even though she kept it sharp, the thick ropes were as thick as her hands were wide and unbelievably slimy.  She was starting to think that it was troll slime and that she’d never get it cut apart.  At least not with a small blade.  She was almost tempted to try for the one she saw on William’s belt, but she just couldn’t make herself get any closer to the three than she already was.

She wasn’t given long to make her decision though, as all thirteen of her idiots crashed into the small glen. She slunk back into the shadows as Bofur yelled “Where is she?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Stupidity, is it catching?


	15. Stupidity is Catching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd give you all this a little early.
> 
> I'm very sorry about the fight scene, I'm not that great at writing them.

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

Bofur was still trying to keep Bombur out of the rest of the stew when Fili came running into their camp, stopping for a second to place his hand son his knees and huff in a few breaths. As soon as he had enough breath to speak he gasped out, “Trolls!” Then sucked in another breath, “Took the ponies... went to check... both... told me to come.” He was gathering his swords and Kili’s weapons as quickly as he could as the camp exploded around him.

“What do ya mean trolls?” Bofur was hefting his mattock on his shoulder.

“Three, took Daisy and Bungo before we knew what was going on, then Myrtle and Mindy just after Baggins arrived.” He was heading back as quickly as he could, “She made me come get you.”

The entire camp was mobilized within minutes and following the young prince, but there was something within Bofur that was on fire. There was something inside of him that screamed that she just had to be okay. And if he stopped to think of it, it wouldn’t make any sense.  She may look at whole lot like his Bella did, but the spark still wasn’t there (though something smoldered). However since that first night he felt that he had to protect her. And by the Maker he was going to do just that.

One thing about dwarves, when charging into battle, they were not the quietest of creatures. With twelve stampeding, it was unlikely that the trolls wouldn’t hear them unless they were otherwise engaged. So when they were almost in the clearing, and Fili was tossing Kili his weapons, it was almost strange that they didn’t have the abominations on top of them. Which squeezed Bofur’s heart all the tighter. 

So much so that he missed the signal to stop and continued to charge right into the glen,  “Where is she?” thankfully the others followed him in his folly.

What happened afterwards was completely and utter bedlam. A flurry of axes, swords, knives and a singular sling shot. He would never be able to get the sequence right in his mind, just that he didn’t see her anywhere.

_________________

It was official, stupidity was contagious and all of her dwarves were infected.  Of course it warmed her heart a little bit more to Bofur’s that he was the first to charge in, apparently to protect her, but couldn’t they have at least taken in the situation before making things so much worse. 

She’d never witnessed a fight quite like this. It was so much more violent than a brawl between faunts. She could appreciate Oakenshield’s concern that she’d never truly been in a fight now. She would be useless out there against creatures so large. Perhaps if she had her crossbows, she would be able to at least be able to hurt something from the sidelines, however nothing was still long enough to aim.

The initial fear that she first had for her guests, if only for a split second. After that, she was in awe of the shear strength that they all seemed to have. The trust that they had to have each other’s back. Dwalin and Thorin’s acrobatic feat to save Ori.  Bombur’s  liberal usage of his ladle as a weapon and doing quite a bit of damage with it. Ori’s  quick save of his brother by using his slingshot to hit a troll in the eye. Though, that is what caused him to need to be saved. There were some very lucky shots to very unlucky places. But, her favorite was watching both her father and Dwalin taking to using their weapons to break bones. They were the ones seemly doing the most damage. 

She considered grabbing the knife that the trolls lost at some point and letting the horses go, but she realized if she did that they would bolt and they’d never get them back.  Making this whole fiasco a waist of time. 

Between one blink and the next, everything was over and her idiots were captured. Somehow two of the trolls had gotten there hands on Ori, again, and were threatening to pull his arms and legs off.  Oakenshield tossed down his weapons as soon as the threat was uttered, and the rest followed.

What she truly couldn’t believe was that they then started to strip down and got  into sacks. They were certifiable. At least they took there good ol’ time about it, but she didn’t see any way that she would be able to get them out of the predicament they were now in. Thirteen dwarves captured and four ponies. With Gandalf no where in site. She didn’t think she could get them out on her own.

And as if things couldn’t get worse, they started tying several of them up on a spit. Her father, Bifur and Dwalin were some of the first.   Followed by Dori, Nori and Ori.  The ones that had done the most damage or annoyed them the worst during the earlier battle.  The rest were piled up in sacs on the edge of the glen, and at least they were trying to struggle to get out.

As the trolls were discussing how to cook her dwarves, she was fighting to figure out a way to save them. When the one of them said something that gave her an idea, _“Never mind the seasoning; we ain’t got all night! Dawn ain’t far away, so let’s get a move on.  I don’t fancy being turned to stone.”_

Well, that may just work, along with the way her dwarves ran in looking for battle, with Bofur yelling for where she was, she may have a plan in mind.  If she could stall them long enough that is.

Taking a deep breath, and straitening her jacket, she confidently walked in from the other side of the clearing and cleaned her throat, “Oh, you captured them for me did you?  You have my thanks.  This lot has been quite the problem as of late.” Holding up a hand as one of them started to stand, “Though, if you’re cooking them for dinner, you may want to consider some more spices, or even a good lemon rinse before eating them.  Have you smelled the lot.  Been tracking them by scent alone for the past few nights.”

She fought not to roll her eyes a the cries of traitor and several slurs that came her way.  Having already long decided that none of them had two brain cells to rub together.

_“What do you know about cooking dwarf?”_ One of three growled at her.

She gave them a smirk, one that if Dwalin could see it for more than a moment on his turn he would have recognized, “Have you not heard of the Burglahobbits?” Grinning even more at their confusion, “Why we are the greatest cooks west of the Misty Mountains.  Even the goblins have a fear of us, why my great-great-great-great-uncle, Bullroarer took down the Goblin King when he thought he could take our land.  He was delicious I was told. Roasted with a bit of bit of mint and rosemary.  Not as good as dwarf though.  When they’re not infected of course.”

“What do yah mean infected?” The one that was doing the cooking picked up Bombur’s sack by the bottom and held him upside down in the air. “Looks fine to me.”

She was keeping an eye on the lightening skyline behind the three trolls and felt a bit of relief, “Figured this bunch was heading towards the Elves after I captured one a few weeks back.  They must have figured it was to sick and left them because no one came looking.  Barely made a meal it did.  They must be desperate to be taking this road, leads right to the elves, thought I’d follow, elves make a wonderful meal.  Best meat you know.  Nice light bit of fat, where dwarves are all muscle.” She gestured towards Bombur, “take that one, look at his size.  He’s probably the most infected of them all, and it’s so very contagious if you don’t cook them right.  Though at this point it would be a lost cause, not enough there between the lot of them to even feed me for one meal.”

Bombur is quickly dropped back into the pile of dwarves, which had gone quiet after Oakenshield had kicked the others.  Maybe he could learn.

“Now those nags on the other hand, they look positively lovely and would go great with the sage you were talking about.” But the distraction wasn’t working as well any longer.

_“What would you have us do, then, let ‘em all go?”_ It stomped over to her and grabbed her before she had a chance to dodge, _“You think I don’t’ know what you’re up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!”_

_“Ferret?”_ Well, that was insulting, she’d shaved that very morning, thank you very much.

Thankfully, Gandalf appeared on top of a large rock above the clearing. _“The dawn will take you all!”_ Then struck the rock with his staff, somehow breaking it in two.  The sunlight it was blocking spilled through and hit all three trolls at once.  They immediately started to turn to stone, the one holding Iris, tightening it’s hold on her, so that she was being held in it’s frozen fist once everything stopped moving.

There were cheers from all the dwarves, though several complaints as well from those still on the spit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Wizards, Wargs and Running


	16. Wizards, Wargs and Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Christmas Gift, I won't be posting again until the New Year. Scrapped the next chapter completely because it just didn't make sense. I won't have time to write until Christmas, as Christmas Eve is my first day off in 3 weeks.
> 
> I had 3 chapters set up for Rivendell, but after reviewing what I had, well, it didn't work out right, so everything needs to be redone. I was doing so well too, with 23 chapters completed.

**Chapter Sixteen**

 

Once the dwarves were freed from the spit and from the sacks, they set about getting back into their gear while she got as comfortable as she could in the air, watching over all of them.  They were all safe and in once piece, if a little singed in places.  Though she felt like she was being forgotten up there.  She watched Ori and Bifur go let the ponies out of the pen they’d been in most of the night, then going off to gather the rest.

Gandalf and Oakenshield were standing close together talking, the latter glaring to where she was hanging in the air, “Your burglar was of no help this past night.”

 _“She had the nous to play for time.  None of the rest of you thought of that._ ” Oakenshield almost looked repentant, as the two of them examine the statues that she was stuck in, “ _They must have come down from the Ettenmoors.”_

_“Since when do mountain trolls venture this far south?”_

_“Oh, not for an age, not since a darker power ruled these lands.”_

As the two looked at each other below her, she finally got fed up, “Will someone please get me down from here?  I’m rather stuck.” Only to receive a glare from Oakenshield for her trouble.

“Bofur, come get our burglar out of her chair.” He stormed off, presumably off to do something even more idiotic.

It was beyond frustrating, she’d done everything she could do on her own to save them, and yet she was made to feel as if she was even more of a burden.  Thankfully it didn’t take long for Bofur to arrive, with his mattock to get her down. 

“Watch yourself lass, stay as still as you can, don’t want to hurt you now.” He was aiming for the wrist, and Bombur was standing close behind to try and catch her as she fell. Iris quickly moved as much as she could away from the place he was aiming and may have let out a bit of an undignified squeak when the weapon hit the arm of the statue, causing it to shake then shatter. Once she was on the ground it took a few more careful hits to break her fully out of the grip.

“Lass, thought you were captured by those beasts, what happened?” Bombur was helping her up as Bofur leaned on his weapon, eyeing her closely.

She shook her head, “They never saw me, and if you’d only stopped for a moment before rushing in, you’d have seen it.  Not that these three weren’t a problem that needed to be taken care of.  And I was having difficulty getting the ropes undone.  As I’m sure you noticed, the damnable things were covered in some sort of slime.” Of which she felt she would never get off of herself, she just wanted a good bath.

He had the heart to look sheepish, “Sorry mistress, we were worried about yah.”

“Please, Master Bofur, call me Iris, and thank you.” She gave him a shy smile, not knowing just how much it made her look just like her mother, “I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop them from eating you.  I hope I haven’t ruined what little respect I’ve earned in this group.”

“Only if you call me Bofur,” he gave her a grin, while Bombur clasped her shoulder, “if they do, they’re more of a half-wit than those trolls were.  Speaking of, where’d they go?”

They looked around, only to see that there were only a few of them left in the clearing, but they could hear the lot of them not far off headed towards where the sound was coming from.  The idiots had found a Troll horde. Of which Bofur immediately went in to join the others.  As much as she liked shiny things, there was no way she was going closer to that horrible smell.

Ori and Bifur had already joined the rest of them, after leading the ponies closer to where they were now. Taking the chance, she went over and grabbed her bag, and re-equipped her weapons. She’d felt very exposed the night before without them on her person. She then went over and sat beside Ori, while lighting her pipe, needing a moment or two to get herself back to sorts.

After a short time, of which Iris was considering going back to the ponies and getting a small meal together, as she hadn’t eaten in some time, Gandalf exited the cave and came towards her.  He held out what seemed to be a sword to her, though she knew it would be considered more a dagger to anyone else.

“ _Here. This is about your size. The blade is of Elvish make which means it will glow blue when orcs or goblins are nearby._ ”

Well, that would be very useful, “Thank you,” she took it, “Though I have never used a sword in my life, do you think someone would be willing to train me?”

Gandalf put a hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her, “I do hope that you never have to use it my dear Iris. _But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one._ ” 

 

She barely had time to nod when Oakenshield yelled out, “Something’s coming!” Oh, like that wouldn’t carry in the silence of the wood.

Gandalf tried to gather them all together as they prepared for what could be their second battle in less than a day, “ _Stay together! Hurry now. Arm yourselves._ ”

She carefully drew the sword, thankful that it at least wasn’t glowing blue, and took off after the others who’d run off into the woods towards the sound.  What they ran towards though was quite the surprise, it wasn’t an attack, but an old, very crazy looking man, who was on a rabbit-drawn sled.  Yelling about thieves, fire and murder. She sure hoped he wasn’t upset they’d killed the trolls.

Gandalf called out, “ _Radagast! Radagast the Brown._ ” This was one of wizards that Gandalf knew, he looked insane, “ _Ah.  What on earth are you doing here?_ ”

“I was looking for you,” He’d gotten off his sled and gone directly over to his fellow wizard, clasping him by the arms, “ _Gandalf.  Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong.”_

 _“Yes?”_ They all watched as the Brown wizard opened his mouth to speak and then closed it looking completely confused.

 _“Oh, just give me a minute. Um, oh, I had a thought, and now I’ve lost it.  It was, it was right there on the tip of my tongue.”_  At which he sticks out his tongue and continues to speak while  looking very surprised, _“Oh, it’s not a thought at all; it’s a silly old...”_ Gandalf pulled something out of his mouth, _“-stick insect!”_

Oh that, that was just disgusting, and she was more than happy to stay far away from either of them as Gandalf pulled the insane wizards off to the edge of where they were standing to speak.  Though she did note that Nori had snuck closer to them.

After a few minutes, where they all took time to rest, there was a howl heard in the distance, “Please say that was a wolf.” She looked towards her father, “There are wolves out here right?”

“ _Wolves? No, that is not a wolf._ ” Bofur was already hefting his mattock, prompting her to pull her sword again.

All of a sudden a Warg appeared, leaping right into the middle of them, knocking down Dori.  Oakenshield quickly struck out and killed the beast using a different weapon that he’d used so far.  Almost directly afterwards, another Warg appeared from the other side, which Kili shot  with an arrow, bringing it down instantly. However, it got back up right away, only to be killed by Dwalin.

Dwalin stood over the beast, glaring down at it, “Warg-Scouts!” He sounded disgusted, “Which means an Orc pack will be right behind.”

Oh dear Yavanna, Orcs!  She barely heard the argument between Oakenshield and Gandalf, but she did catch that the ponies had bolted.  Of course the ponies had bolted, they’d only just saved them from trolls, to lose them to Wargs.  They all very quickly donned their packs and were running; she hated running; chasing after the crazy wizard and his rabbits who was trying to draw the pack away.

She’d thought it was bad at first trying to run from them through the woods, but very shortly they hit open land, with rocky outcrops.  That was so much worse, there was no where to hide or escape to if they came up on them.  She’d already pulled out her hand bows, but had never used them in this capacity.  She didn’t know if she could even use them to take a life that wasn’t meant for dinner.  

As they periodically stopped to take cover, as the crazy wizard would draw the orcs too close to where they were running, she would ultimately find herself pushed behind one of the dwarves, between them and the rock face.  Usually, with Ori right beside her after Oakenshield had to pull the youngster back when he’d nearly been exposed.

“ _Where are you leading us?_ ” their leader hissed out at Gandalf, who promptly ignored him.  She felt a little put out for Oakenshield at that, but quickly understood why everyone was very silent, some even holding their breath.  There was the sound of claws raking over the rock above them, and a heavy sniffing sound.

Kili readied an arrow  at his uncles nod and quickly stepped out, shooting the Warg in one smooth motion, causing both it and the orc on it to fall.  They were all very quickly on the two, trying to kill it before it made a sound, but they were too late.  The kill wasn’t fast enough and that abominable thing was loud. Their cover was blown.  

It went without saying that Gandalf’s order to run, was met with them sprinting as fast as they could go.  It wasn’t fast enough though, they were very quickly being surrounded by Wargs, but they went as fast as they could, following the directions of Gandalf and hoping he was leading them to safety.  Somehow, Bofur and Bifur were almost always on either side of her, staying as close as they could, without impairing the movements of there weapons. If they survived this, she swore to herself she’d tell them the truth soon.  

Soon there was no place else they could run though, they’d lost sight of Gandalf and the orcs and wargs were on every side.  She was trying to shoot them along with Fili, her arrows doing so much less damage then his.  Yet, she refused to die here.

From behind she heard, “ _This way, you fools!”_ and she instantly turned to see Gandalf’s hat disappear again behind a rock. She started backing up that way, trying to not take her eyes off of the wargs that were approaching, and her growing concern for Kili, who wasn’t moving. At least, until she felt a sharp tug on her shoulder and was almost tossed down into the hole that the others had escaped to, sliding down into a cave, landing on her uncle with a grunt.

From above she could hear Thorin yell out, “Kili! Run!” and a few moments later, both of them were jumping down into the hole with the rest of them.  They all had already regained their bearings and were looking up as a horn sounded.  Although she didn’t recognize the sound, she could tell that the others could and many of them didn’t look happy about this addition.  She, however, couldn’t have been happier when the orc that fell down the shaft, had an arrow in it.  

“ _Elves._ ” Yet, Thorin didn’t seem happy about it.

It seemed like the battle above was still going on, but they were going to take the chance to slip away.  It would have taken too much to climb back out of the cave they found themselves in, and there seemed to be a pathway heading away from everything.  It was quite narrow in places, and it wasn’t long before the opening above was so far up, that no heat came down to them.  When all of a sudden it opened up to a beautiful valley, seemingly untouched by the evil of the world.  Beautiful architecture seemingly growing from the land, designed to flow with the life around it.

Gandalf had a smug, but pleased sound to his voice, _“The Valley of Imraldis.  In the Common Tongue, it’s know by another name.”_

 _“Rivendell._ ” Iris breathed.  Her mother had talked about this place with awe.  She’d been here before heading to the Blue Mountains and had made many friends. Although she wasn’t sure if she’d be welcome, it was someplace Iris had always wanted to visit.  She half listened to Gandalf and Thorin bickering, again, but her mind was already going over all the elves she hoped to meet.  Lord Elrond, his sons Elladan and Elrohir and his daughter Arwen.  Or Lindor and Glorfindel, who’d both made and taught her mother to use the hand bows that she now used.

So while most everyone else was looking as if they were going to their doom, she couldn’t help but feel like a faunt again in her excitement.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Rivendell
> 
> Sorry for the lack of response to reviews, and thank you all for your kind words for the last chapter. I'll get to them before I start working on the next chapter.


	17. Rivendell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year. I know it's a short chapter, I"ve rewritten this several times and for some reason, this was the best of the bunch. Next chapter is 3x as long.

**Chapter Seventeen**

 

The dealing with Darrow could be very difficult at times.  After the fiasco of a dinner; which did have its moments of fun; told her just how much they had behaved in her smail.  After watching Bofur get up on the table and start to dance, followed by the food fight that started almost directly afterwards, she was embarrassed to be associated with the whole group.

What was worse, was that they wouldn’t even give her a moments grace to speak with the elves, who were so graciously hosting them.  Even with their less than stealer arrival.  It seemed as if all thirteen of her idiots were getting between her and the elves.  

When their host had tried to get her attention; since she was looking forward to speaking with him, she was glad he wanted to do the same; she found Dori and Nori of all pairs ushering her away, asking stupid questions about herbs and the many things they could do with them.  Which had very shortly turned into a shouting match between the two brothers because  Nori started asking about which ones could be used in as poisons, in the teas that Dori was grilling her about.  

Then being told that she couldn’t go anywhere alone because it wasn’t safe around the tree-shaggers. Honestly, wouldn’t that hurt?  She’d once seen a tween walking a fence and loose his balance, he never really talked the same way again.

Then being ushered off to a meeting about the map, only to find out that she’d have to put up with this horrible behaviour for two more weeks because it wasn’t the right time to view the runes on the map.  

But the final straw, the one that made her lose it and completely defy their idiot leader, was when he tried to make them all sleep in the gathering room, just off of all the guest rooms that the elves provided.  She hadn’t had a proper bath in months because she wasn’t letting anyone see her in less than her smalls and just as long since she’d slept in a bed, away from the constant snoring.  Really, who could honestly snore so hard that they breathed in moths, and then back out again, alive!? She was a solitary Hobbit.  A confirmed spinster; though not quite the same way as her father had been before her mama.

She was going to have her own room, she was going to take a bath. Alone.  And she was going to speak with the elves.  If only to thank them for their graciousness towards both the company and her mother all those years before.  Though, if she had a chance, was really hoping that perhaps either Lord Elrond’s sons or Glorfindel were available for her to train a bit with.  Since they’d been the ones to gift her mother with the bows she used, and she hoped they would be able to repair them a bit.  After almost sixty years, even though they’d been well taken care of, they were getting rather ramshackle.

She also needed to find a way to get the Ur’s away from the rest of the group, to get a chance to talk to them.  Almost losing them twice in one day was too much to bare.  She needed to tell them the truth, or at least make the attempt.

Now to just do it all without strangling her idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Family time of sorts


	18. The Truth is Out There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few days early, I"m going to be crazy busy at work.
> 
> I really hope people like this one. It sort of wrote itself, but it's a lot more talking than I usually do. This one is mostly dialogue.

**Chapter Eighteen**

 

Iris slowly made her way through the beautiful gardens, running a hand along the leaves of the vegetation growing around her. It was hard not to enjoy the beauty of the land they were staying in; in many ways it reminded her of home and yet at the same time it was so different.  Only a few of the plants she recognized, the rest, she could only guess at.  If she could get away from the darrow for more than a few minutes, she’d slip off to the library to at least get a book on herbs.

Speaking of which, she could see one of them coming towards her from the other direction.  She could understand why Bifur was there, just not how he always seemed to find her.  Although Thorin had ordered that none of them wander off alone in here, she wanted a little time to herself.

Sighing to herself, she nodded to Bifur and wandered over to a nearby bench to take a seat.  It didn’t take long for him to find her and sit down next to her. “You know you don’t have to follow me right?  Nothing’s going to happen to me here.” 

He just grunted, and patted her knee, saying something that she doesn’t understand.  “I know he doesn’t want me going off on my own, but really!  My mother spent over a year here before she continued on her own adventures.” He chuckled.

 Glancing over at him, she noticed his grin, “Something tells me that you knew that already.” He patted her knee again and nodded. 

“When did you figure it out?” There really wasn’t any need to beat around the bush, she’d been trying to figure out how to tell them since they’d arrived in this haven. He just gave her a large grin and gestured over his shoulder, making her wish she understood their language, instead of having to play pantomime every time they spoke.

“From the very beginning?” He shook his head, “the Trolls” He grunted this time, and shook his head again. “Before then?” She took a moment to think about it, “That night, on the cliff!” He grinned again and patted her knee, all the while grumbling something in Khazudul.

“I really need to learn your language, or at least your sings.  It doesn’t do either of us any good if I can’t communicate with my uncle.” She grinned right back at him and welcomed his hug.

Sighing, “If you figured it out, why on earth hasn’t he?” Bifur grunted and covered her eyes with one hand for a moment.

“Being purposefully blind? Well, that explains a lot.” She sighed again, “I’m trying to get up the guts to tell him the truth.” She flinched a bit under his look, “I just wanted to get to know you all before I was tossed away.” She held up her hand to forestall his denial, “I know he won’t now, but he really hurt mom when he didn’t come for her all those years ago. And you honestly can’t look me in the eye and tell me that you all didn’t think I was just a bit useless in the beginning, nor that some of our lovely companions don’t still think the same of me.  I may not understand what they’re saying, but I’m not stupid. Oakenshield doesn’t hide his animosity very well.”

Bifur nodded and then shrugged, there really wasn’t anything he could do to deny how they’d treated her in the beginning. 

“Do you know why he didn’t come for her Bifur? She waited until the very end for him.” Iris was really trying not to let her emotions get to her, it wasn’t something that could be changed now.

Bifur shrugged again and motioned to her, “I know, I know, he didn’t know about me, but from all of mom and papa’s stories, he really loved her.” Bifur gave her a pointed look when she said ‘papa’.

She sighed, “You don’t know what it’s like there Bifur.  Propriety, being perfect all the time, giving no one any reason to believe you’re anything but what they want to see you as.  Papa’s heart wasn’t mom.  But he wasn’t allowed to be with him.  You know how it is with the humans right?” Bifur nodded, “Well, at times it almost seems worse with us. I mean, a blind eye is given when you appear to be living properly, but if you do anything wrong, well, it’s dangerous.  You do not want to be deemed a disturber of the peace. It’s all be a death sentence in the Shire.” She wrung her hands, only stopping when her uncle reached out and took both of them in one of his large ones, “Papa was what we would call a confirmed bachelor. Everyone knew, but no one said anything.“

She looked up at him, and then back down at there combined hands, “Other than his heart, Mama was Papa’s best friend and the only one who knew about his heart.” Looking up again, “You know mama came back to look after grandma right?” She frowned when Bifur shook his head no, “Well, mama received an urgent massager, one of the Rangers, sent by The Old Took, my her father.  Grandmother had taken very ill after the birth of their final son and they didn’t think she’d live, so he called her home.  As it was, the message almost got to her too late, as they’d first came here and only because mama hand passed on her plans to Glorfindel, did they know where to find her.  I know mama left Bofur a letter explaining what she could and telling him that she’d be back, but she had to rush away.”

She gripped his hand and squeezed, “It took her almost two weeks to get back to the Shire, as you know it can be a bit of a journey and with it being in the middle of the winter, it wasn’t exactly safe. By the time she got there, grandmother wasn’t doing well and she couldn’t leave what could possibly be her last time seeing her mother.  Thankfully she had friends she could spend time with though, and Papa; Bungo Baggins; was there for her.  Within a few weeks of being home, mama discovered she was pregnant, with me.  She was torn, if she stayed, she would have to get married to some hobbit, it’s the law you know, that a child can’t be born with out both parents.” She sighed again and let go of his hands, placing them flat on her legs, while continuing to talk, “Papa offered to be there for her, to put on a show, so that her reputation wouldn’t become stained.  So that they could both get what they needed to be safe and when my father came, we’d go adventuring again.  They never shared a room, and papa's heart visited almost everyday.  It was safe for them to be together with mama there.  No one would second guess their spending time together, because one of them was married, so nothing untoward must be going on.” Clenching her fists, “I grew up on stories about the Ur family, and about darrow in question. About how some day my father would come swooping in and take us away to far away places and show me things that I could only dream about.”

Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back the tears that were vying to escape, “She waited for him Bifur.  She waited every day for her heart to come back to her.  I was too little to make that kind of journey and mama wouldn’t leave me behind, but she needed him.  When that evil Fell Winter hit, it was too much for her.  She just wasn’t strong enough without her heart there to ground her to get better when the sickness hit.  We lost her just a few short months after my 15th year.  No one knew other than Papa and his heart that I was anything but his daughter, so papa raised me, until he passed just before my coming of age.” Here Bifur grunted, “We’d made plans you know, that’s why I had all the gear in storage.  We were supposed to go find you after my thirty-third birthday.   My Papa, who raised me as his own child, was going to help me find my father because that’s what my mother had always wanted.” He grunted again and tugged at her hand, “why didn’t we?” He nodded. “Papa died.”

It was so difficult to get all this out, but it had to be said.  She needed to let someone know before it weighed her soul down completely and she knew she’d have to go through this at least one more time.  Hopefully when she spoke with Bofur, she’d do better than this, “It was unexpected, both papa and his heart died within hours of each other, leaving me all alone. Making me the head of a family I wasn’t truly apart of, but trained most of my life to run.  As it was, I had to fight to keep my home and my standing because I’m a woman.  Thankfully, my grandfather stepped in and reminded them that papa built our Smail for my mother, so it wasn’t property of the Baggins clan to control.  And, since my father’s will stated that I was to take control, as I was the one who’d been trained to do so, it all fell on my shoulders.” She bit her lip, “During that time, well, I was angry.  So very angry at everything.  HE’D never came for either of us and Papa stood by our sides from day one.  Papa believed in me and trusted that I could take care of the family line.  I decided that I didn’t care if I ever met the dwarf that broke my mama’s heart.  That I would live only as a Hobbit should, and I put away everything that reminded me that I was anything but.” 

She wasn’t expecting the tight hug that she was engulfed in, her hands flying up to clutch at his back as those traitorous tears fell onto a strong shoulder.  Words she didn’t understand being murmured into her ear. “I don’t hate him, I really don’t.” She muttered, “I want him as a dad, but why didn’t he come for us?” She knew she’d never get the answer from Bifur, if ever, but for the first time in over seventeen years, she felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One family member down... now for the other two... soon.
> 
> Next Chapter: More Rivendell


	19. Idiots with a Map

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% happy with this chapter. It just wouldn't flesh out for me. I pushed this chapter to get it out on time, the next one is doing great & the 4 after that are finished, but this one, I apologize for.
> 
> On another note: Thank you everyone for the positive reviews and kudos to the last chapter! I was really worried what everyone would think of it.
> 
> Final note: This is officially both my biggest story, with both my longest word count & most chapters.

**Chapter Nineteen**

 

Time flew, it was strange that way, in seemed to drag out when you were waiting for something, but when you needed to do something, some how it always gets away from you. 

After spending quite some time crying on Bifur’s shoulder, she promised him that she would tell Bofur as soon as she got a chance to.  Which is of course, about the time that she couldn’t find the blasted dwarf anywhere.  The only time that he was around was at meals; and she wasn’t blurting it out then; and the one time she ran across the whole lot of them bathing and messing around in one of the many fountains.  A fountain for crying out loud!  In public!  Naked!

Which of course, caused her to try and get away from the lot of them and hide in pure mortification, only to run into Lord Elrond and Lindor, who’d just seen the same sight she did.  She wished the world would just swallow her whole.

Thankfully, it did give her a chance to have a nice cup of tea (that may have been laced with a healthy dose of elven spirits) with the Lord of the Land without anyone butting in.  He was a kind soul, who recognized her as being Belladonna’s daughter. He told her quite  a few stories of her time there, and if anyone had been walking under their balcony, they may have been surprised by the laughter that was pulled from their Lord.

She had been disappointed to find out that his sons and Glorfindel were out hunting orcs and were not expected back for some time, so she would not have the chance to meet  those that featured in many of the stories told.  Though she welcomed the time that was given to her anyway.  There was always the possibility he’d get to meet them on her return, if she passed that way again.

 

After the fiasco of viewing the map the first time, and finding out they had to spend nearly a week in Rivendell if they wanted to actually read the moon runes, Iris hadn’t been sure she wanted to go view it a second time.  Yet, when the invitation was given, she found that she couldn’t say no.  Between an academic curiosity, and an almost inexcusable need to find out what would happen this time when the two leaders where in the same room together.  Oakenshield had been his normal abrasive self the first time, and she knew the Lord of Rivendell hadn’t believed it was a purely cultural curiosity that they wanted it read.

Thankfully, he was willing to read it out in full, letting them know exactly what was on the map.

She was also willing to place a bet on the fact that he wished he hadn’t the second Oakenshield opened his mouth again. Of course, it isn’t polite to call your oh-so-idiotic leader in front of his enemy, so she had to bite her tongue as both the stupidest and smartest of their company started going on about how they only had so much time before they had to be at the door.  If they didn’t want anyone to know exactly what they were doing, this wasn’t the way to go about it. 

And from what she overheard Lord Elrond saying to Gandalf, there were going to be problems with them leaving because of this.  When there is talk about other people watching over Middle Earth, and they not liking what was going to happen, she had a good feeling that they were going to have to leave before morning, and she was going to have to be a horrible guest.

As Iris made her way back to the pavilion that the company gathered in, she wondered how she was going to pass on this news. She knew speaking to Oakenshield wasn’t going to be an option, since he barely spoke two words to her unless it was to let her know just how dissatisfied he was with her inclusion with the company. As for Balin, he was in conference with his king over which would be the safer paths, but would still get them to their destination in time.

As much as she could speak to her Uncle, many of the company seemed to dismiss what he said as much as her own words.  He was brilliant, yet only his cousins and a select few ever really listened to what he had to say.

Ori’d be wonderful, if she could get him away from his brother for a few minutes.  However, Dori really didn’t like her and had even taken to hovering while they were in the library.  As the official Scribe of the company, he’d be perfect to pass on the information, but if she couldn’t get a word in edgewise, there wasn’t much point in even trying.

Which brought her to their other brother, Nori, he’d be perfect.  She knew he’d been insulted when she was hired as the ‘burglar’ of the group, but he treated her well most days. She actually had a feeling that he’d been listening in on her conversation with Bifur because he’d been a little nicer to her the past few days. Of course, he was also almost always close by, and nearly as silent as a Hobbit.

“You’re thinking to hard lass,” Nope, she wasn’t going to admit to the yelp she gave, “Interesting meeting?”

“How on earth did you know I needed to speak with you?” She grabbed his elbow and pulled him onto a side path.

“Why lassie, I didn’t know you felt this way!” He was laughing at her, “Might be a few who would be upset, not that I mind.” Raising an eyebrow and a smirk.

Rolling her eyes and letting him go, “Don’t you be getting any ideas now, your One may have a word or two to say about it.”

“What ever do you mean?” He seemed to get a bit more serious.

Sighing, “I know the signs, I watched my Pa and his Heart for many years. And you’re not as good at hiding it.  Where he is, you are.  What he knows, you know.  And I don’t know why the two of you hide it.” Grumbling, “But this isn’t the time for that, I need you to pass on information for me.  You know they won’t listen to me and we need to take care of it right away.”

During the short time she spoke, explaining everything that happened in the meeting and directly afterwards, Nori listened closely, making plans.

“Lass, you know where the kitchens are yes,” she nodded, “good, go swipe what dry goods you can and I’ll go tell our reigning idiot;” grinning at her squawk, “you’re not as quite as you think when mumbling; and you’re getting a reprieve from telling your blind idiot. For now.”

With that they both sprinted off in their respective directions, starting the mad rush for an escape.

 

She hated leaving in the early hours of the morning without saying farewell to their hosts.  Looking back over the grand elven city one last time, wondering if she’ll ever get to see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Escape from Rivendell & Iris hates mountain climbing


	20. Big, Stupid, Mean, Rock Things!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I apologize. This chapter kicked my butt. Next chapter should be out Thursday... I wanted to have it out Monday, but plot points that I'd forgotten about, came up in this chapter, changed the next one. I have a date with my writers group, so all edits should be completed. I've been working up to the next chapter for so long.
> 
> Let me know if there are any glaring errors in this, I posted right after finishing with only a basic read threw.

**Chapter 20**

**Big, Stupid, Mean, Rock Things!**

One would think that after traveling for two months with a pack of dwarrow, that even the most stubborn of them would start to see her as something more than just a waste of space. She felt lucky that at least she had a few people on her side.

She'd saved their lives for crying out loud, they weren't the forgotten dinner of three trolls; so what if she did it without lifting a sword. She'd gotten them out of Rivendell without them being detained to 'save Middle Earth from a dragon'. Well, at least in that case, they thought it was Nori who'd pulled the information together, but it was really her. It wasn't her fault that the leader still wouldn't listen to her and the ones who would were detained.

In the week long trek it took to get to the base of the mountain; where they were supposed to wait for Gandalf; she'd been belittled and constantly growled at by their leader. Oakenshield seemed even more upset by the fact that she was still with the group then ever before. Despite the fact that she was always helping up to set up camp, she partook in the watches and was usually one of the first up in the morning. Instead he acted as if she didn't do a thing and was holding them up.

She wasn't sure if it was because she was a female, not a dwarf (so he thought) or she really was moving slower than the others. She didn't think she was though, even though she hung around at the end of the line, it was only because she wanted to stay as far away from his grumpy behaviour. She had a feeling that unless something major happened, she was never going to get away from his nastiness.

It was starting to wear thin. At night, she found herself thinking of the large smail she'd left behind so she could get to know her family. She was starting to wonder if she should turn back, damn the contract she signed. It wasn't like he wanted her there, having trying to keep her from being a part of the group from the very beginning. She had hoped at one time, that they could at least get along, even if they never became friends, they were co-workers of sorts for this venture. Now, she just wanted it all to be over.

It had gotten to a point that she hardly ever heard a word of kindness, except from Bifur, who she had difficulty understanding and occasionally Nori. At least they'd taken to try and teach her some  _Iglishmek_  while they'd been traveling, at least when the other's weren't butting in. Well, Bifur seemed to be trying to teach her legitimate words, where as Nori was just teaching her every curse word he knew and some thieves signs. If perhaps she used them from time to time focused directly on Oakenshield's back, well only the three of them knew.

 

 

It really didn't help much that after a days travel outside of Rivendell, there were no more trees. Bushes became the extent of the privacy she would get for doing anything personal and even those seemed to take a drastic decline after another couple of days. Thankfully at night, they would camp by a large rock or two, but she couldn't get enough privacy to do anything more than a quick bathroom run. She couldn't take the time she needed to shave.

Four days out of Rivendell and she found herself wearing a hood at all times, trying to hid the peach fuzz that was growing in quickly. She'd never let it grow for this long without shaving it before and she was worried about the others seeing it. It was going to be a very long trip over the mountains and she hoped she was going to get a chance to shave before anyone figured out yet another of her secrets.

It wasn't like she hadn't been thinking of stopping anyway. It had never felt right to shave in the first place, but she'd done so in the Shire to keep her families secret and continued to do so as to not give away said secret. Now that she was planning to tell him the truth, there was no need to keep up with the practice, but she didn't want him to find out before she had the chance to do so.

 

 

By the ninth day out of Rivendell, she knew that her beard was visible to the naked eye; already almost as full as Kili's was (and wouldn't he be upset about that when he saw it). There would be no way to hide it if her hood came down. The only good thing was that it had started raining two days ago and hadn't let up, so everyone had their hoods up now.

By the Valar did she ever hate rain. It wasn't so bad when you had soft grass and dirt under your feet that you could dig your toes into for a grip. But now it was just rocks, rocks and more rocks. She'd never really traversed by foot under these conditions and she'd never realized just how slippery rocks could be when wet. For like any healthy Hobbit, Iris had an aversion to water any deeper than her knees and even then only when necessary. Thankfully there had been no large rivers as of yet without a bridge to cross or the dwarrow may find themselves carrying her across it.

What made matters worse is they'd finally started crossing the narrow paths in the mountains, instead of the more gradual slopes she's finally gotten used to. Thankfully, they'd placed her in the middle of the group, instead of letting her hide in the back like she had been doing. She had a strong feeling that Bifur had a lot to do with the fact that Bofur was the one in front of her And she thought that Dwalin pulled the short straw to have to be behind her. She knew she was a liability and was definitely holding up the line. She was fine as long as she didn't look down, but it was difficult not to do so when there was barely enough room to walk single file. She just couldn't understand how they thought this was safe.

They'd been traveling most of the day, and even though she was in the best shape she'd ever been in her life, she was tiring out quickly. This was something she just wasn't used to. It was everything she could do to bite her tongue and not beg for them to find a place for the night. The sun had already started to set and it was getting more difficult to see where to place her feet, but Oakenshield was pushing them forwards. She could understand why, but there had to be some sort of cave they could settle in, at least until dawn. She was desperately trying not to grab onto Bofur, just in case she lost her balance.

She could barely hear Oakenshield yell watch out, just as a harsh blast of wind attempted to rip her from the side of the mountain, a scream aborted halfway through as she felt a jerk from behind on both sides of her shoulders and she was pressed up against the wall. Panting harshly, she turned her head to look up at Dwalin, but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking way off in the distance, eyes wide with fear.

"Watch out!" He slammed his arm across her chest, pressing his massive bulk against her to keep her to keep them both pressed against the mountain side as an impossibly large boulder seemed to fly through the air, hitting the mountainside above them. Rocks fell down around them and she clung to Dwalin as she heard Balin over the roar, "This isn't a thunderstorm; it's a thunder battle! Look!" She couldn't help but follow where he pointed with her eyes and felt like crying. They were all going to die and she'd never told her father the truth.

Her father who for some strange reason sounded excited by the massive stone creatures throwing rocks at each other, "Well bless me, the legends are true. Giants; Stone Giants!" The grown beneath her feet seemed to start to surge and she felt like it was surging upwards. Their luck couldn't be so bad that they ended up on another one of those creatures could they? She knew the truth as soon as they started to split off from the other half of the group and they all seemed to be clinging to the knees of yet another giant. From where they were, separated from the others, she could see that the other group seemed to get off it and back onto the mountainside. Only leaving their small group. She prayed to the Valar that she wouldn't die with her father at her side.

All of a sudden a large crash that could be felt throughout the entire giant, the whole body vibrating around them. And then they were falling, everything was happening so quickly, it felt like hours of fear where it couldn't have even been a minute in the air before they were hurtling back toward the mountain and she was sure the five of them were going to be a pancake against the rocks that were speeding towards them.

She felt the crash as they hit the side, but somehow, they survived it, in the split second they had, all four of her Dwarves jumped and she followed. But it wasn't enough, she was too far away to land on the ledge like they did. All she could do was hang onto the edge and hope against hope someone would find her. She could hear the cheers of the others as they reunited, and for a moment, she thought no one would see.

"Where's Iris? Where's the Hobbit?" She should have known her father would be the one. Excruciatingly long seconds later; as her hand slipped and she fell another few feet before catching herself again; she saw both Ori and Bofur reaching down for her. Both yelling for her to take their hands and she desperately tried to reach up towards them, ignoring that her hood was down; all she wanted was to live.

Even as they scrambled to grab her hands, she could see the shock in the Dwarrows faces at what they saw. It wasn't for long though, as she felt an arm wrap around her and Oakenshield boosted her up into her fathers arms where she was quickly pulled to safety, and moved against the wall of rock. As this happened, Dwalin was pulling their leader back up, after he nearly fell himself.

Dwalin looked over to her with a small smile, glad to see that she was okay, "I thought we'd lost our burglar." He was taking a step towards her, seeming to take a closer look. He looked about to say something else, when an angry growl rolled over them all.

"She's been lost ever since she left home. She should have never come. She has no place amongst us!" He didn't even look towards her as he started forward again, "Dwalin! We need a place for the night!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When typing this at 2:30 in the morning, I found myself typing things like traversing by 'food' instead of 'foot' So if there are any… crazy mistakes, please point them out and I'll fix them.


	21. What's That Glowing Blue Thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double posting today, this is the first one. I hope you all like it. Sorry about it taking so long to get it out to you. If you're looking for basic updates on when I'm going to post, my tumbler is @thegoddessaille. This is it, the chapter everyone's been waiting for. I do hope you like it.

**Chapter Twenty**

She laid at the back of the cave they’d found, shaking now that the adrenaline had worn off.  Between the giants and near fall to her death, she had to admit she was scared.  More scared than she’d been with the trolls, more frightened then when the wargs had been nipping at their very heals, because she’d never been that close to death before.  There was something about being suspended over the open air, only hanging on by the tips of her fingers that just made everything, worse.  Then Thorin, maybe he was right.  Maybe she shouldn’t here.  Maybe she was lost, and had been since she left Bag End. 

Perhaps she should just leave, go back to Rivendell, request an escort back to the Shire.  It would be safer for them all really.  Then the leader of the company wouldn’t have needed to risk his life to save hers.  She wouldn’t be struggling to tell a wonderful person the truth about who she was.

Yet, she’d made it this far.  She’d saved their lives. And damn it all, she wasn’t letting the idiot chase her away from the only family she had left. Raising her head a bit, she looked around to check to see if anyone was watching her.  When she could see that no one was, she quickly rolled up her blanket and packed up the few pieces of gear she’d taken out earlier.  Shouldering her bow, she started to tiptoe over her dwarves, heading over to where Bofur was sitting for his watch.

Barely a whisper, but it sounded like thunder in her ears, “ _Where do you think you’re going?_ ” Well, at least he really took his watch duties to heart.  She’d almost expected him to be asleep after the troubles they’d had that day.

“Only this far,” taking the seat next to him and settling in, “We need to talk Bofur.” Neither noticed as a few bodies turned to watch them as green-brown eyes met brown.

“What is it lass?” She fiddled with the strap of her bag before putting it between their feet, not expecting to move much for the rest of the night. “Lass?”

Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the ground before looking back at him, “I’ve been struggling with how to tell you this Bofur.  I probably should have right at the beginning but it just didn’t seem like the right time and with everything that’s happened. I need you to know.” Yes, so she was stalling, it wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to admit.

He gave her a confused look, as if trying to figure her out, “What do you need me to know lass?  It can’t be that bad.” Giving her his trademark grin, trying to make her smile back at him.

Sighing, she clasped her hands together and tried to figure out what to say, “it really depends on how you take it, honestly.  I mean Bifur already figured it out.  Still not entirely sure how he did honestly...” trailing off and looking over the sleeping dwarrow only a few feet from them.

“My cousin figured it out?” Giving her a broad grin, “he’s always been the smart one in the family.  Don’t let that axe distract you from it.”

Iris gave a small snort of laughter and shook her head at him, “He’s brilliant, and has been trying to get me to talk to you since the third day in Rivendell, but you disappeared, making it a little difficult to do so.” She glanced one more time over the sleeping company and then fixed her eyes on Bofur, steeling herself for a backlash, “I came on this journey with false pretenses.  I fully intend to hold up my end of the contract that I signed, but that is not the reason I came.” The air suddenly felt a whole lot thicker, “I came,” why was this so hard to get out, “I came to get to know my father.” She didn’t want to break his gaze, hoping to catch his reaction.

Bofur reached out, shock on his face, “What do you mean lass?” The realization starting to appear on his face, “Belladonna,” she wasn’t sure what his look meant, but she hoped it was a good thing.

She hesitated speaking for a moment to let the news sink in, “Was my mother,” she gave him a small smile, the low light catching her cheeks, bringing her quickly growing beard into his focus again, “I wish I could tell you.  About how much she missed you.  About how long she waited for you to come and get her.” She choked up a bit, “ About how much I really needed to know you. No daughter should ever be away from her father.” She then realized what she said, her nerves getting to her and their leaders unkind words spurring the doubt, “By the Valar, I’m sorry, I didn’t...” Tugging on her hood to hid her face from view.  No one had asked after they’d settled in and she hoped they’d just thought it was a trick of the poor light.

He reached out quickly and grabbed her hand with one of his own, the other reaching in and cupping her cheek, “By _Mahal_ _,_ a daughter.” He lifted her chin, making her look at him again, “And a mighty fine one too.”

There was a flash of light from her waist, “ _What’s that?_ ” She followed his line of site and looked down at her glowing sword, quickly pulling it halfway out of the sheath, bathing the room in a soft blue glow.

Immediately, from nearby, Thorin instantly started to get up, yelling for everyone to wake up.  Which meant he’d been awake for their conversation.

Before anyone could react, still fighting off the edges of sleep, the floor collapsed underneath them.  Sending them tumbling down in to the darkness below. When they finally landed, after several crashes into walls, she found herself on the far edge of the pile, in the center of a large wooden cage. 

She instantly found herself being pushed back by the others, as if they were protecting her from the oncoming hoard of goblins.  She crouched down, using what little Hobbit magic that had been handed down to her to hide.  Doing everything she could to blend into the ground below, to make herself invisible to their attackers.  Thankfully it worked, but, her dwarrow also couldn’t see her.  Except for Nori, he seemed to catch her eye as he got dragged away, and made a look as if to tell her to get away.

Like hell she was going to do that.  There was too much at stake to let her dwarrow go.  Leaving them when they were safe and resting was one thing, leaving them in danger, well, she was a Took after all

She quickly adjusted her bag on her back, and drew out her daggers, knowing her sword was more likely to bring the goblins on her and slowly started to follow the goblins.  It didn’t work though, one goblin jumped out in front of her, and rushes her.  What little training she’d been getting from Dwalin, kept her from being over powered immediately, but she wasn’t used to the terrain that they were fighting on. There was something wrong with how the goblins lived.  Nothing was level, everything seemed to be pieced together and somehow, she got to close to the edge.  She grabbed the goblin in front of her and they both went over together, and until her head hit the wall and she blacked out, they fought as they fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Bofur's thoughts on the matter


	22. What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you just skipped forward to the most recent chapter, please go back one, as I have done a double update today (to make up for not posting last week)

**Chapter Twenty Two**

 

“I wish I could tell you.  About how much she missed you.  About how long she waited for you to come and get her. No daughter should ever be away from her father.”

His whole world shifted and everything that he’d been seeing over the past few months seemed to mesh together into one solid conclusion: He had a daughter.  But his Bella missed him? It just didn’t make any sense.  Wouldn’t she have stayed?  Or come back to him if she’d known.  He’d given up so long ago on his One ever wanting him that this wasn’t working.  And now his daughter was right in front of him. She came all this way, so unprepared, and flourished.  Oh his king was going to get his mattock right upside his head if he said one more disparaging word against his beautiful pebble. 

And they didn’t even have time to really think or get answers about it because their luck was about as good as a rabbits in an eagles sight, non existent.

All he could think as they were tumbling down the shoot, to yet another unknown fate was how he could protect her.  He couldn’t seem to navigate his body so that he could shield her from the sharp rocks that they were all banging into on the way down. 

When they finally landed, he was almost frantic, there were goblins coming from every which direction, and he couldn’t find her.  Did they already have her?  Did she go over the edge?  He couldn’t just find out that he had a child; by Mahal, she couldn’t be any more than 50! A child; and he’d already lost track of her. He did notice that some of the others, were shielding an area, and he hoped against hope that they were shielding her.  It was bad enough what goblins would do to them, but what they did to woman was so much worse. At least with the rest of the females in the company, they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, but Iris stood out among them.

He took out goblin after goblin, trying to keep both her and the rest of the company safe (well mostly her) but it was a fools errand, they were very quickly overrun and weapons taken. He still fought though, like a madman as they were lead to what could only be their doom and as the Great Goblin was singing his horrific song, a wave of relief washed over him as someone whispered in his ear, “She got away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Smeagol


	23. Creatures in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first wanted to thank everyone for their kind reviews for the last two chapters. I was a littler scared to publish the reveal as, I wasn't sure how people would like it. I'm so thankful to you all. It was the most commented on chapter as of yet. I tried to respond to everyone.
> 
> There is now art for this by justalittlebattie, it's set as a part of this series. It's a little glimpse into the future with Bofur and Iris.
> 
> I used both book and movie to write this chapter...

**Chapter Twenty Three**

**Creatures in the Dark**

 

She stifled a groan as she tried to sit up.  She’d been awake for a few minutes trying to remember exactly what had happened.  One moment she’d been trying to get away from their makeshift camp without being seen by anyone and the next thing she knew, she was here, with her head throbbing and no idea where she was.

It didn’t make since to her, she could remember putting her stuff into her bag, she could remember a blue glow and the feeling of falling. Did she fall down the cliff like she’d almost done earlier?  But that didn’t make since either because she was inside and although it was damp, there was no sign of the torrential downpour that they’d been in only a short time before. She was sitting in a bed of mushrooms, that must have cushioned her landing, but she could tell she’d hit her head rather hard and could only thank her dwarfish heritage that she hadn’t done further damage.  Yet, in the soft light that was coming from somewhere, she could see the blood on her fingers from where she’d pressed them against the back of her head.  That wasn’t the only place that hurt either, it was getting a bit hard to breath, which meant she’d probably cracked something and she could only hope she hadn’t done enough damage to have broken a rib, it was going to be hard enough to get out of where ever she was at.

Struggling to stand, she could see that the light was actually coming from her sword, which had landed not too far away, but still under some of the mushrooms that she’d flattened.  It was then that she realized she could hear something as well, something that was far enough away to only be a whisper, but it sounded like someone was singing while working, as there was an off tune feel to it, followed by a random bang.

As silently as her upbringing had taught her, Iris picked up her sword and pack, and started to make her way towards the sound.  Though, she almost gave herself away with a  squeak when all of a sudden her little sword went out, leaving her solid black.  She stumbled a bit in the dark, landing on one knee with her hands out in front of her, one of which finding something very strange in the dark.  It felt like a ring, and without even really thinking about it, said ring went directly into her pocket.

Without the light of her sword to guide the way, she fumbled for her hand bow that would have normally been attached to her hip, only to find shattered remains.  Reaching for the other, she found it had suffered the same fate, the loss of them tugging deeply at her heart.

Thankfully, the darkness didn’t last long, as long streams of light seemed to filter in from above.  They were few and far between, but it was enough to give her some vision.  The problem was, it was a vision she truly didn’t want to have.  She found herself on the edge of a lake in the middle of a giant cavern.  The water was very calm, as if it hadn’t moved in hundreds of years, but that wasn’t what caught her vision. It was the thing, for she couldn’t tell exactly what it was, crouched over what looked like a person, hitting it with a rock.  That was what the bangs she heard were.

She must have made some sort of sound because the next thing she knew, there were bright eyes looking in her direction and all she could think about was getting out of it’s line of sight, moving as quickly as she dared to duck behind an large rock formation.

It wasn’t fast enough.

She peaked around the rock and very quickly feared when she couldn’t see the creature where it had been before.  It wasn’t anywhere within view and she had a feeling that she was in a lot of trouble if it caught up with her. On instinct, she held her elvish blade out up, and took a step back, only just in time as the thing jumped down to where she’d just been standing.

“ _Bless us and splash us, Precious! That’s a meaty mouthful._ ” It started moving closer to her, but she brandished her sword towards it and finally came to a stop with it pointing right at the center of it’s neck.  Thankfully causing it to back up in fear.

“ _Stay back.  I’m warning you, don’t come any closer._ ” She couldn’t think of anything more frightening to say to this thing.  Now that it was closer, it seemed to have a sickly gray pale to it, as if it hadn’t seen sunlight in years.  It looked worse than a goblin, all skin a bones, wiry in a way that a hobbit or dwarf could never be. It’s head almost seemed to be too big for it’s body, all mouth and eyes… she’d never seen eyes like that on anything, they seemed to take up half of it’s face, and were the most expressive thing about it.  When it first landed in front of her, they’d glinted in the faint light, but now it seemed like a scared colt, that would bolt at the slightest of moves.  She wasn’t going to let her guard down though.

“ _It’s got an elfish blade, but it’s not an Elfs._ ” Those eyes were starting to look dangerous again, “ _Not an Elfs, no. What is it, Precious? What is it?_ ”

Oh how her head hurt, and she was trying to keep her mind on the thing in front of her, but she was smart enough to keep her name to herself, “ _I am a Hobbit from the Shire._ ”

The damnable thing seemed to get excited, “ _Oh! We like Goblinses, batses, and fishes, but we hasn’t tried Hobbitses before.  Is it soft?  Is it juicy?_ ” This thing was not having her for her supper, she had been starting to slowly lower her blade as she wasn’t used to the weight of the small sword yet, but as it started to come closer, she held it up again.

“Don’t you dare come any closer to me you fiend.  I will gut you if I have to!” Well, that didn’t work, it only cause it to get angrier at her, and she took a frightened step backwards. “Please, I don’t want any trouble, I just need to find away out of here.  If you would show me the way, I would be able to leave you to yourself.”

“ _Why, is it lost?_ ”

“Yes, I am ever so much lost.  I wish to get back to my friends as quickly as possible.” And perhaps have someone look at her head and ribs, they were getting worse by the moment.

Those eyes changed again, becoming ever so much friendlier and the voice changed as well, as if someone else was speaking out of the same mouth. “ _Ooh! We knows! We knows safe paths for Hobbitses.  Safe paths in the dark._ ” Within seconds the creature seemed to be having an argument with itself, it’s voice changing frequently as it seemed at war in it’s own mind.

After a short time, Iris was fed up with hit, she needed to get out of there, and she sure didn’t want to be anyone’s dinner, though she could use some herself.  The memory of what had happened was quickly coming back to her and she was getting more frightened at the moment, she needed to find her dwarves. “Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I am...”

“ _Games? We love games, doesn’t was Precious? Does it like games? Does it? Does it? Does it like to play?_ ” This thing was crazy, she hadn’t mentioned games at all.

“Perhaps?” if it would get her out there faster.

It then started to spout off a riddle?  Well, at least it was an easy one, with everything that was going on, it just seemed almost funny for this thing to give her a simple riddle as a game. When she answered it correctly, it started to laugh at her.  And then the other voice tried to convince itself to eat her again.  At this point she was starting to give it a name in her head, Gollum, after the sound it kept making after it spoke.

Gollum snarled at her, and made as if it was going to attack, when she started speaking the first riddle that came to mind, not a particularly hard one, one that would have been used with children really to keep them entertained, but it was the first thing that was there.  Thankfully, it stopped it in it’s tracks and the nicer voice seemed to be in charge again.  It seemed almost excited that she was playing with it. 

After it sadly, got it the riddle correct, they quickly negotiated terms of their game; one that she refused to let it win because she wasn’t going to be it’s dinner; so she would have an escort out when she won.

For a split second she thought about putting her sword away, as if to show that she trusted that this creature wouldn’t betray her, but she could almost hear Dwalin yelling in the back of her head to never give the enemy any sort of advantage.  Instead, she backed up a few more steps, so that she had a rock at her back, and it was in full sight, and motioned for him to take the next riddle.

After a few rounds, she was starting to get frustrated, how could this thing, that seeming lived in the darkest cave, know the answers.  Some of the riddles, that they’d shared between them had a hobbit history to them, and this Gollum, was no hobbit that she’d ever seen. Finally, she was frustrated, she couldn’t think of anything else, and it was insisting that this be the last question, to finish the game off.  She shoved her free hand into her pocket, a sign of confusion, when she encountered something unexpected. “ _What have I got in my pocket?_ ” slipped out before she even had the chance to stop herself.  She really needed to stop doing that.

Of course the creature thought that was the question and started to have a bit of a fit, “ _That’s not fair.  It’s not fair!  It’s against the rules! Ask us another one._ ”

If it meant living or being this thing’s dinner, she was going to stretch the rules as far as she could.  She was a burglar after all, “ _No, no, no, no.  You said ‘As me a question.’ Well, that is my question.  What have I got in my pocket?_ ”

“ _Three guesses, Precious.  It must give us three._ ” Well, that was fair she guessed, since she wasn’t exactly following the rules any longer, and she’d given it more when it was trying to figure out the riddle about eggs anyway.

“ _Three guesses.  Very well, guess away._ ” She placed her free hand on her hip and continued to hold her sword in the other

“ _Handses!”_ Well, it was slightly unobservant at least.

“ _Wrong, guess again._ ” All the while hoping it wouldn’t guess right.

Gollum seemed to be muttering several guesses to itself, all things that she would have been fully disgusted to have anywhere near her person, but perhaps not so off hand for it. Finally it seemed to settle on something, “ _Knife!_ ”

Oh than Yavanna, “ _Wrong again.  Last guess._ ” She sent a silent prayer up to her creator.

Both voices answered this time, it’s eyes flashing dangerously between them, “ _String!  Or nothing.”_

Her maker was watching out for her this night, “ _Two guesses at once; wrong both times._ ” The creature seemed devastated by the fact that it was wrong.  It threw itself to the floor, sobbing, yet she wasn’t willing to wait for it to get over it’s loss, for it may just realize how unfair a loss it was.

“ _So, come then, I won the game, you promised to show me the way out._ ” And it really was the only thing she wanted now.  Freedom from the hole she found herself in.

“ _What has it got in its pocketses?_ ” Well bugger it all, it caught up quickly.

“ _That’s no concern of yours.  You lost.”_ Please oh please leave it at that.  She knew it wouldn’t, but she could hope.

_“Lost?”_ Oh, this wasn’t good, the sword wasn’t keeping the creature back, she could see the look in it’s eye as it came at her.  It was going to kill her. 

Until shock and the thing started picking at it’s thread bare coverings, “ _Where is it? Where is it? No! Ahh! Where is it? No! No!!!!”_ It was tearing around the cave, as if it was searching for something. “ _Lost! Curses and splashes, my precious is lost!”_ It was sobbing quietly for a few moments, before its face contorted into anger and then it turned back to look on her.  It’s eyes were dark and cold, she had a feeling that she knew exactly what it was searching for, “ _What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?_ ”

She was starting to get really scared and clutched the ring she found in her hand tightly while holding her sword up to try and ward Gollum off.  It was all she could do to not wrap her arm around her aching ribs, “ _He stole it. He stole it! Ahh! HE STOLE IT!”_ it kept getting louder and louder, finally it’s voice echoing off the walls around them.  There was a bit of a spike of indignation, she wasn’t a male for crying out loud.

When it started throwing stones at her, Iris gave up all since of bravery and ran away, with the creature chasing right behind her. She hurried though the cave as quickly as her body would take her.  She could hear it behind her at a distance, screaming to her to give something to him.  She found herself in a small side cavern as it ran past the opening. The only way she had to go was threw a small crack in the back of the wall.  She wasn’t sure if she’d fit threw it, but she couldn’t go back out there with that thing that wanted to eat her so she had to try.

She passed her bag through first, it making it’s way easily, but when she tried, it wasn’t as simple as it looked.  Her bindings at least kept her chest from getting too caught at first, but it got tighter quickly.  The pressure became too much and she gave an involuntary grunt of pain when it pushed too tightly on her injured ribs; which seemed to echo in the silence.

Unsurprisingly, it attracted the creature that was hunting her, she could see it as it peered into the small alcove, and could tell the very second it saw her.  It started snarling and rushing towards her.

Pushing as much as she could, she forced herself through the crack, but her jacket buttons, which had been pressing so deeply into her chest, ripped off, hitting Gollum as it clawed at her through the crack.  At least it was enough to get it to back off for a moment in surprise, but it also caused her to lose her balance and she fell backwards.

Before she could get herself back up, the creature was through the crack, growling and looking back and forth for her.  Somehow, the creature had grayed out even more, becoming slightly blurry around the edges; which she was attributing to the continual knocks to the head she was taking; and it looked right over her. She was certain that it would notice her, it could surely see better in the darkness than she could, yet it seemed to not be able to do so.  She stayed as still as she possibly could, keeping her breath as shallow as possible as it talked to itself about a ‘birthday present’ and goblins being able to catch him without it.

Finally it stopped, it’s eyes growing shrewd, with a deep seated evil shinning in them, “ _If the Hobbitses has gone that way, we must go quick and see. Go! Not far now. Make haste!”_ and then it was gone, moving even faster than it had before.

Scooping up her bag, she quickly, but very carefully followed the creature, using every trick she knew to stay quiet.  She didn’t want to fall again, making more noise and causing it to turn back, as this time it seemed to be pulling her towards an exit. She finally noticed the ring that was seated firmly on her finger, feeling like it had always belonged where it lay, and she wondered if it was what was keeping her from being seen.  If so, she could understand this Gollum’s anger at losing it, but she wasn’t giving it back to it, as it wanted to eat her.

She followed the hissing and cursing; not as quietly as it probably thought it was, “ _One left, yes.  One right, yes.  Two right, yes, yes.  Two left, yes, yes.”_ It seemed to go on forever, but she could feel the strain on her legs as they were heading steadily upwards.  Periodically, it would pause to weep, or to peer around corners as if this horrible creature was frightened to go up further into the goblin territory. Which perhaps it was, if it had always used this ring to do so before.

“ _Seven right, yes. Six left, yes!  This is it.  This is the way to the back-door, yes. Here’s the passage!”_ But it wasn’t moving any closer, it had stopped by a low opening, peering in and shrinking back, hiding itself, “ _But we dursn’t go in, precious, no we dursn’t.  Goblinses down there.  Lots of goblinses.  We smells them.”_ She was only a few feet behind Gollum and she wasn’t sure what to do, it was blocking the way, sitting right on top of the opening, swaying his head from side to side as if trying to catch her.

Then, completely unexpectedly, it jumped back and hid behind a rock, only seconds before she sees Gandalf and all her blessed dwarves running by, escaping through the tunnel that Gollum was preventing her to get to.  They were alive!  They were free!  And she HAD to get to them, get past this creature, or she would never get out of here. 

In an act of desperation, she pulled out her sword again, and placed the tip just at the nape of Gollum’s neck, ready to take the life of this creature that barred her way.  Yet, she couldn’t do it.  It’s eyes had changed yet again, great sadness shining in them.  For a brief moment, it looked almost Hobbit like, and with pity, Iris lowered her sword again.  Silently, she took a few steps backwards, and then starts to run forward and takes a great leap, using another rock to launch herself, and actually stepping on Gollum’s head, knocking it over as it turned to try and catch her, having finally heard her movement.

As soon as she landed, she took off at a run after her dwarves and towards the exit, hearing the creature scramble behind her.  Thankfully, it didn’t follow her out into the bright light, almost as if it burned by the very thought of being in it.  It’s screams following her as she sped down the mountain after her company.

“ _Hobbitses!  Thief! Curse it and crush it, we hates it forever!”_ Well, at least the feeling was mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Family, Orcs and Eagles... oh why me?

**Author's Note:**

> My tumbler is @thegoddessaille, not that I use it very much, but when I'm falling behind I try and post updates there.


End file.
